Offering Refuge, Finding Reasons
by DancingRain92
Summary: Rollins is having trouble coping with the stress of her life when a chance encounter with a beautiful but troubled woman takes her down a new road of recovery. As their relationship grows, Rollins finds new reasons to stay on the straight and narrow while offering refuge to her new companion. But her connection to this woman soon takes an unexpected wrong turn. Will she survive it?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I usually try to stick with the story line of the show when writing my fics. This time, however, I am trying something different. Later in this fic, the story will deviate a lot from what actually happens in the show. Still, I hope you enjoy reading. Your reviews will help determine whether I continue with story or not so please be honest but please respectful. **

Chapter 1: Beautiful Stranger

It was five fifteen in the morning and much too early for her to be awake for how late she'd stayed up the night before. Amanda Rollins was well into her third year as a Manhattan Special Victims Unit detective. It was a plum job when she first arrived. It was a step up from the job she was doing in Atlanta. She couldn't have been more excited to start working with such a great squad, known for the difference they made in the lives of victims and survivors. The fresh start the move to New York gave her was an added bonus.

It'd only been three years but it felt like a short lifetime. She'd been through a lot in her new home. She thought she'd left all the drama back home in Georgia but it seemed to follow her wherever she went. From her hometown in Loganville to Atlanta and finally to Manhattan, drama followed her. For some of it, she had herself to blame. The drama of her own making is why she'd stopped at a coffee shop on her way to meet Olivia Benson, the newly promoted Sergeant and acting commander of SVU, at the hospital for a new case. Even though it wasn't fully daylight, she was wearing her sunglasses because of the massive headache resulting from her late night out. She'd popped a few Tylenol before she left her apartment and she wasn't taking her glasses off until it kicked in. She was grateful to have found a coffee shop that was open this early in the morning. She was in desperate need of caffeine.

The barista called her order and she stepped up to take her coffee. She looked at her watch and saw it was now five thirty. She had to get a move on. Olivia was waiting for her at the hospital so they could interview the victim and get started on their new case. She quickly turned around and opened the door to leave. When she stepped out, she ran into a woman trying to enter the coffee shop. Some of the coffee splashed out of the cup through the hole in the lid and burned her hand. She quickly wiped her hand off on her pants to get rid of the hot liquid.

"I'm so sorry" she said to the woman she'd just run into.

"It's ok" the woman said back. Her voice was soft and sweet and it got Amanda's attention. "Is your hand ok?" she asked. Amanda looked at the woman and saw a face that was just as sweet as her voice.

"Yeah….it's good" she said distracted by the woman's beauty. "Oh good lord, I ruined your shirt" Amanda said noticing that her coffee had splashed on her.

"It's just a shirt. Your hand is more important" she said sweetly. "I assume you have somewhere important to be". She stepped aside so Amanda could continue on to where she was hurrying off to. Amanda stepped past her and the woman stepped into the coffee shop. She turned and caught the door before it could close.

"Uh, wait. What about your shirt?" she called after her. The woman turned around with a smile on her face. Amanda didn't understand how she could be so cheery after just having hot coffee spilled on her.

"It's ok" she said again. "I have another one in the back". Amanda furrowed her brow. "I work here" she explained. "Have a nice day" she said nicely before turning and heading to the back of the coffee shop. Amanda watched until she disappeared through a door behind the counter marked employees only. She cursed herself when she turned and almost ran into someone else. She made her way to her truck and headed to the hospital. When she stepped off the elevator, it was obvious that Sgt. Benson was annoyed with her being late. She made up an excuse about her dog being sick. She gave sarcastic "Copy that, Sergeant" when Olivia came down on her about being late then quickly moved on to talking about the case. "Another great week at SVU begins" she said, sarcasm still evident in her tone. She walked in front of Olivia even though she didn't know where the victim was and Olivia followed behind her letting her sarcastic remark slide.

The case the squad was working on took Amanda to Atlantic City, the last place she needed to be. She went to the casino and gambled away more money that she didn't have. She was late meeting Barba the next morning to talk to the judge about getting their victim released from a juvenile center. She continued to bump heads with him throughout the case and to make matters worse someone from Jersey PD had seen her at the casino and was a real ass about it. She hoped he wouldn't become a problem for her. The case came together over the next couple of days. They arrested all the guilty parties and got their victim into a group home that would help get her back on the right track. Amanda felt good about the end results.

The next day was her day off so she went back to the coffee shop she'd visited almost two weeks earlier to find the mystery woman she'd spilled her coffee on. It turned out she didn't work that day but being a detective had its perks. She showed her badge to the cashier who directed her towards the manager. She assured her that her employee wasn't in any trouble and that she just wanted to talk to her. She described the woman that she was looking for and was able to get her name and address. When she went to the address the manager had given her, she found out that she no longer lived there and left no forwarding address. She called Fin and asked him to run her name but she wasn't in the system. She figured she'd just keep going back to the coffee shop until she found her. She went home, got Frannie, and took her out with her for a jog. She ended up at a dog park a few miles from her apartment and let Frannie off her leash to run around and play with the other dogs. She looked across the park and saw just the woman she'd been looking for, sitting in the grass. What are the odds they'd be at the same dog park on the same day at the same time? Whatever they were, Amanda didn't care. She was just glad they were in her favor. She walked over to her and said her name aloud for the first time.

"Dollah" she said hoping she was saying her name right. She looked up and shielded her eyes, giving them shade from the sun so she could see who'd just said her name. She recognized the blonde from their encounter at the coffee shop.

"How do you know my name?" she asked.

"I went back to your job and talked to your manager. She told me" Amanda explained. "Do you mind if I sit?" she asked, hoping that the woman didn't think she was a creep or a stalker.

"It's a free country" she said dropping her hands from shielding her eyes. "Most of the time" she added. Amanda chuckled and sat down next to her in the grass. "So you went into my job and asked my manager for my name?" Amanda nodded. "Libby wouldn't just tell you, a stranger, my name" she said not believing her.

"I'm a detective. I showed her my badge and told her I needed to talk to you" she admitted. "Don't worry. I told her you weren't in any trouble" she said when she saw a nervous look come over her.

"I'm not worried" she said turning her attention back to the pets playing in the park. Amanda found herself staring at the beautiful woman sitting next to her. She was fair skinned with shoulder length honey blonde hair and mesmerizing grey eyes. She didn't want to be presumptuous but she guessed from her features that she was of Asian descent. "Which one is yours?" she asked, breaking Amanda from her trance.

"Um, she's the golden brown mutt over there" she said pointing out her dog. "Her name is Frannie Mae".

"Frannie Mae?" Dollah asked with a smile.

"Yes. Frannie Mae". Dollah laughed and nodded her head.

"I like that" she said still smiling. "Frannie Mae" she said again softly to herself.

"Which one is yours?" Amanda asked.

"I have the Golden Retriever there and the German Shepard over there but they're not mine" she said. "A couple of my neighbors, they travel a lot for work. They pay me to keep their dogs for them" she explained. "So do you make it a habit to track down people over soiled shirts?" she asked.

"No, just you". Dollah looked over to see Amanda staring at her again. She couldn't help but think that she had such beautiful eyes. She looked away and focused on the dogs she was supposed to be taking care of.

"Well, you didn't have to. I told you, it's just a shirt".

"I didn't want to find you because of the shirt" Amanda said honestly. Dollah swallowed hard and avoided making eye contact with her companion. She looked at her watch and saw it was time for her to leave. She stood up and brushed off her clothes then picked up the leashes that were sitting on the ground next to her.

"I have to go" she said softly. She gave a nice smile then walked in the direction of her dogs. She got them on their leashes and started to leave the park but something made her go back to the beautiful woman she'd been talking to. "You never told me your name" she said sweetly.

"Amanda".

"Well, it was nice talking to you Amanda. Maybe you'll call me sometime" she said before turning to leave the park.

"But I don't have your number" she called after her. Dollah smiled and turned around again.

"You didn't have my name either" she pointed out. Amanda laughed and nodded her head. She had a valid point. "Bye". She turned and left the dog park and went on about her day. Amanda watched her until she disappeared. She let Frannie play in the park for a while longer before putting her back on her leash and making the jog back to her apartment. She showered and changed her clothes then left her apartment again with Frannie in tow. Her first stop was to the coffee shop to get Dollah's full name from her application. There was a phone number but when she called it was disconnected. Even though it was her day off she went into the precinct to run her name through the computer. She found her in the DMV database but the address on her license was the same address she'd already visited. Dollah didn't live there anymore. Olivia saw her sitting at her desk through her office window. She got up from her desk and walked out to the squad room.

"Rollins, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Oh, I'm just, ummm" she paused trying to figure out how to explain what she was doing. Benson waited for a minute before walking over and looking at her screen.

"Dollah Rasyid" she said reading the name of the woman whose picture was on Amanda's screen. "Something happen to her?"

"No" Amanda said quickly. "I'm just trying to find a current address or phone number for her".

"Why?"

"It's personal" she said letting her know that she didn't want her poking around in her business.

"Anything I need to know about?" she asked. Rollins shook her head.

"No. I'm all good Sergeant" she said. The entire squad knew about her gambling problems but they didn't know that she'd started gambling again. She was working hard to keep it under wraps so they wouldn't find out. She assured her that it was nothing that had to do with or would affect her job. Olivia went back to her office and left Rollins to her own devices. Fin walked into the squad and saw his partner sitting at her desk with her dog at her feet.

"I thought it was your day off" he said taking a seat at his desk.

"Yeah, it is" she said not looking away from her computer screen.

"You find the woman you were looking for?" he asked. She nodded her head and continued to click through anything she could find about Dollah online. "Soo…what you doing here?"

"I just need her current address or a phone number" she said repeating the same thing she'd said to Benson.

"I thought you said you found her. Why didn't you just ask her?" he asked. Amanda was too busy looking for Dollah on social media to pay attention to her partner and answer his question. "Hello" he said reaching his hand forward to wave in her face. When she continued to ignore him, he got up from his desk and walked around to see what she was staring at on her computer. He saw her clicking through pictures presumably trying to find the woman she'd called him about earlier. It was surprising to Amanda that she couldn't find her anywhere on social media. She went to Google images, typed her name into the search engine and mentally crossed her fingers. She smiled when she saw one picture of the woman she was looking for come up on the screen. She clicked on the picture and saw it was an image that was uploaded to someone else's facebook page. "That's who you're looking for?" Fin asked. Amanda nodded her head and went back to the DMV database to search for the woman who'd posted Dollah's picture. "Oh whoa. Wait a minute. I was looking at that" Fin said when he saw the picture disappear.

"Yeah, I'm sure you were" Amanda said giving him a sly glance over her shoulder. She found the woman's information and wrote down her address before closing out of the window and shutting down her computer. She got up from her desk, grabbed Frannie's leash and started to head out of the precinct.

"So, what happened? Why you trying to find her?" he asked nosily. Amanda just stopped and stared. "What?"

"Why do you wanna know, Fin?" she asked curiously.

"You're my partner. I just wanna make sure everything's all good. Maybe give you some backup" he lied.

"Backup, huh?"

"Yeah, backup" he said again.

"Backup for what" Nick asked. He'd just come in from his lunch break and walked into the middle of their conversation.

"Rollins is looking for some girl" Fin said bringing him into it.

"She reported missing?" he asked, not bothering to get settled at his desk in case they had a new case to go out on.

"No" Amanda said simply. Benson came out of her office and saw them standing there. It looked to her like they might be discussing something serious.

"What's going on?" she asked. "We get a new complaint?"

"Nah. Rollins is looking for some girl. We were thinking we could help her out" Fin said bringing yet another person into Amanda's business.

"N…I don't need any help. I'm good" she said objecting to their involvement.

"Well, you came in on your day off to look for her" Nick said. "It must be serious. Let us help".

"It's not serious. I'm just trying to find someone who can give me her phone number". She really wanted them to stay out of it. She was sure that if she asked, Fin and Liv would have no problem letting her be. Nick, on the other hand, wasn't so good at minding his own business. "I really don't need any help". She didn't wait for them to say anything else. She turned and walked out of the squad room with Frannie to go to the address she'd gotten for Dollah's friend.

"We really gonna let her track this down on her own?" Nick asked. "What if it turns out something did happen to the girl. She could be walking into something dangerous with no backup".

"She says it's personal" Benson said, "and it has nothing to do with a case".

"If she wants backup, she'll ask for it" Fin said sitting back down at his desk. Olivia went back to her office again and Nick just stood there, thinking about what to do next. "Whatever you're thinking, don't" Fin said seeing the wheels in his mind turning. "Just let it go". Nick reluctantly sat down at his desk and got started on his paperwork.

Amanda went to the address she'd gotten from the DMV database and hoped that someone was home. She hit buzzer after buzzer until someone answered the intercom. She said that she was a detective and she needed to talk to the woman who stayed in 3B. It was a little old lady who answered the intercom and she insisted on coming downstairs to see her badge before she'd open the door for her. Five minutes later, she was on her way up to apartment 3B with Frannie in tow. She knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A man, Amanda guessed in his mid to late twenties, answered the door.

"Hi. I'm looking for Lily Raymond" she said politely.

"That's my girlfriend" he said. "Who are you?" Amanda held up her badge and asked again to speak to Lily. "One second. I'll get her". He left the door open just a crack while he went into the apartment to get his girlfriend. A minute later, a woman, around the same age as the man, came to the door.

"Yes" she said nervously.

"Hi. I'm Detective Rollins" she said showing her badge again, "Do you know Dollah Rasyid?" she asked. She nodded her head.

"None of her friends call her that. She goes by AJ". She was fidgeting with her clothes, obviously nervous to have a detective at her door. Her boyfriend came back over to the door when he heard his girlfriend mention their friend. He put his arm around her shoulder and she crossed her arms over her chest, almost as if to protect herself.

"What's going on?" he asked concerned. "Did something happen to AJ?" Amanda could tell that both of them were incredibly anxious to find out why she was there.

"No" she said hoping to calm them down. "I just need to speak with her. The address registered with the DMV isn't current".

"She moved….almost two months ago" Lily said still sounding a bit nervous.

"Yeah, and she doesn't drive so she didn't bother to get her license renewed. I don't think she gave anyone her new address" he said, hinting that he didn't want to give it to her either.

"Dan and I only know it because we helped her move" Lily chimed in. "Is this one of the dogs she's supposed to be taking care of?"

"No" Amanda said quickly. "This one's mine. I need to speak with Dol…AJ" she said trying to get what she came for so she could go. "Do you have a phone number or email so I can get in contact with her?" The man nodded and went to get a pen and paper.

"You're sure nothing's happened to her?" Lily asked worriedly. Dan came back to the door and handed her a piece of paper with a phone number and an email address written on it.

"Yes, I'm sure" Amanda said with a soft smile. The woman took a deep breath and let out a relieved sigh. Amanda thanked them for their help and then left the apartment. She pulled her phone from her pocket and dialed the number on the paper. It rang five times and went to voicemail. "Hi, you've reached AJ. I'm otherwise occupied, so please leave your name and number and I'll get back to you at my earliest convenience". Amanda hung up before the beep. She didn't know what to say on her voicemail. She decided she'd just call back later and hoped by then she'd figure out what to say.


	2. Chapter 2: Now What?

Chapter 2: Now What?

AJ walked into her apartment and shut the door behind her. She let the dogs she was sitting off their leashes and they went over to their bowls while she locked the door. She went over to the frig and took down the bag of dog food then went to fill the dog bowls. When she was done she returned the food to its place and then refilled their water bowls. She'd taken both dogs to the vet and Max, the golden retriever, had new meds to take every day. She'd had a hard time getting him to take the other meds from her so this time she took one of the pills and put it in his food bowl. He didn't know the difference. Her phone started to ring and she saw that it was her best friend's boyfriend, Dan.

"Hello" she answered.

"AJ. Thank God you're alright" he said into the receiver. "Lily's here with me. I have you on speaker".

"AJ" Lily said talking into the phone, "I'm so glad to hear your voice. I was so worried".

"Why?" she asked confused. "Why were you worried? I'm fine. Everything's fine".

"There was a cop here asking questions about you" she said.

"She wanted to know your address but we wouldn't tell her" Dan said. "We only gave her your phone number and email".

"Was that wrong?" Lily asked nervously. "She was a detective and she said she needed to talk to you. We didn't kn…"

"No. Lily, it's ok" AJ said calming her down. "It wasn't wrong. You did the right thing".

"Ok" she said relieved. "You're sure you're ok?"

"Yes. I'm good" she assured them.

"You'll call us if you need anything, right?" Dan asked.

"Of course I will". They said their goodbyes and got off the phone. AJ sighed and laughed to herself. She couldn't believe all the trouble Amanda was going through to get her phone number. She checked her phone and saw she had a missed call. She assumed that it must have been from Amanda and hit the button to call the number back. After three rings, her ears were greeted by the sweet sound of Amanda's voice.

"You almost gave my friends a heart attack" she said jokingly into the receiver. Amanda laughed.

"I'm sorry" she said, "I told them that nothing was wrong".

"So you have my number. Now what?" she asked.

"Maybe we can go for a late lunch" she suggested.

"Uh, I can't" she said hesitantly.

"Oh" Amanda said feeling the sting of rejection. AJ immediately felt bad when she heard the disappointment in her voice.

"I mean, I can't eat lunch" she said quickly changing her answer. "I, ummm, it's Ramadan" she said hoping Amanda would understand.

"Oh, right". Amanda didn't know much about Ramadan. Just the basic things that most people knew, like it was a religious holiday for the Muslim faith, they didn't eat during the daylight hours and it lasted for a month. "Well, ummm, what about dinner?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah" she said softly. "Dinner's ok. It'll have to be…late".

"Ok" Amanda said smiling to herself. "Ummm, I can pick you up or we can meet som…"

"I'll meet you" AJ said quickly. She wasn't comfortable with Amanda having her address yet. She didn't even know the woman's last name. Even though she was a detective, she had to use caution when sharing her personal information. Amanda sensed something was off with AJ but she didn't want to pry too quickly. She wanted to gain her trust so that she felt safe sharing with her problems with her.

"There's this Indian restaurant I've been wanting to try. It's in Queens" Amanda said starting to explain where the restaurant was located.

"Yes, I know the place" AJ said interrupting her.

"Oh, you've been?"

"No, but Lily and Dan have. They said it's very good" she said.

"Good, so I'll see you there at say….nine?" Amanda asked.

"Nine it is" AJ agreed. "I'll see you tonight".

"Ok. Bye".

"Bye". She hung up the phone and let her head fall back into the couch cushion. She could tell that Amanda was interested in being more than just friends with her. She wasn't ready for that, especially with a woman. But she really wanted to have another friend. Lily was a great friend to her, of course, but she was her only friend. The only reason she's friends with Dan is because he's dating Lily. She needed to meet more people, create a safe network to rely on. She hoped Amanda could be the start of that network.

Amanda lounged around at home with Frannie. She had nothing else to do that day but wait until it was time for her to meet AJ. She watched a movie then turned it to ESPN to pass the time. At six thirty, there was a knock at her door. Frannie went over to the door and started to bark. She turned off the tv and went to answer the door.

"Hey" she yelled at Frannie. She stopped barking and waited there with Amanda while she answered the door. She looked through the peephole and saw her partner standing there. She unlocked and opened the door. "What are you doing here?" she said stepping to the side and letting him into the apartment.

"I told Benson I'd come check on you" he said walking in past her. She closed the door and walked over to the couch to sit down. Fin sat down on the other end of the couch and Frannie sat at Amanda's feet.

"Why do I need to be checked on?" she asked confused.

"Amaro was worried that there might be some trouble with the girl you were looking for so I volunteered to come check up on you" he explained. Amanda rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"Well, you can report to her that everything is fine. And Amaro too" she added.

"So who is this girl?" he asked.

"She's just someone I ran into at a coffee shop" she said like it was no big deal.

"So you went through all that trouble to find someone you ran into at a coffee shop?" He knew she wasn't telling the whole story.

"I spilled my hot coffee on her an…" she said starting to explain their first encounter. She was interrupted by his laughter.

"Good job, Rollins" he said still laughing.

"Shut up" she said, her voice laced with her southern sass.

"So you spill your coffee on her then you track her down and what now?" he asked.

"I'm meeting her for dinner tonight at nine" she said smugly.

"Nine? That's not a date. That's a booty call" he said laughing.

"No, it's not" Amanda said throwing a couch pillow at him.

"Why else would you go out so late?" he asked nosily.

"She's Muslim" she said simply. Fin looked at her confused. "It's Ramadan". He got a look of clarity that told her he understood.

"Alright. Do ya thing playa" he said with a smirk. Amanda laughed and rolled her eyes. "Well, I'm outta here" he said getting up from the couch. Amanda walked with him over to the door. He unlocked and opened the door before turning back to Amanda. "I wanna here all about this "not a booty call" date tomorrow".

"Get out" she said pushing him out the door. She could hear him laughing his way down the hall as she closed her door. She went back over to the couch and sat down. It was only five minutes before seven and she had absolutely nothing to do to make the time pass. She decided she'd take Frannie out for a walk. She put on her sneakers and a jacket and hooked Frannie on her leash. She grabbed her phone and keys and left her apartment. She returned an hour later and started getting ready for her date. She decided to do a dressy casual look with black jeans, a grey top and boots. She pulled her hair back on the sides and held it in place with a black clip and put on a light layer of makeup. She left her apartment at eight thirty five to head over to the restaurant. She thought she should've insisted on picking AJ up since she'd been the one to ask her out. But she sensed that AJ was more than a little protective of her personal information. She was just glad that she'd even agreed to go out with her.

Amanda arrived at the restaurant five minutes early and waited outside for AJ to show up. A cab pulled up outside the restaurant and AJ stepped out. She was wearing a long orange skirt and a yellow shirt with three quarter length sleeves. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail. She smiled and gave a timid wave when she saw Amanda. Amanda returned the smile and wave while walking over to meet AJ at the door. AJ was noticeably nervous. She could barely meet Amanda's eyes. She hoped she was able to get her relax enough to enjoy dinner with her.

"Hi" she said softly.

"Hi" Amanda said back in her thick southern accent. A smile came across AJ's face that made Amanda's heart sink. She could already feel that this girl was gonna be a heartbreaker. "You look beautiful" she said nicely. AJ's confident smile faded slightly into a shy grin.

"Thank you". She debated whether she should say it back. She didn't want her to think she was only saying it because she'd said it to her first. "You look beautiful too" she said deciding she might as well return the compliment.

"Thanks". Amanda reached out and grabbed the door handle, pulling the door open for AJ to enter ahead of her. Since it was late, the place wasn't too crowded and they were able to sit down right away. Amanda's nerves started to kick in a little more but she tried her best to keep relaxed. They couldn't both be nervous. They ordered their drinks and looked over the menu. Neither one of them knew much about Indian food so they both picked what sounded best to them. While they waited for their food to arrive, Amanda thought about what she could say to get a conversation started. She wanted AJ to enjoy her company enough to want to go out with her again. So far, she didn't feel like she was doing a very good job. Hopefully, their first date would pick up and they'd both enjoy their evening together.

As their date progressed, they were both able to relax more and more. The food turned out to be delicious, just as Lily and Dan had said. Amanda got AJ to try some of her dinner and let her try some of hers. She got the feeling that wasn't something she was used to doing. AJ admitted that in her house it wasn't customary to share food. Everyone kept their hands in their own plates. Amanda decided that they should order a dessert to share so AJ could get more comfortable with sharing. If they went on more dates to new places, this would definitely be happening again. Their waiter brought the dessert she'd ordered and set it on the table between them with two spoons. AJ hesitated to grab a spoon and start eating.

"Come on, you have to try to this. It's really good" Amanda said after taking her first bite. After a moment longer of hesitation, AJ took the remaining spoon, using it to grab just a small portion of the dessert and brought it to her mouth. She took a minute to really taste the dessert on her tongue to decide whether she liked it or not.

"Ok, yeah" she said nodding her head. "It is really good". She took a few more bites then left the rest for Amanda to finish. So far their date had been filled with small talk about the dogs AJ sat for her neighbors and Amanda told her all about Frannie. They talked a little bit about Amanda's job as a detective but not too much. Amanda didn't want to scare her off. They talked a little about sports. AJ admitted that she didn't really know much about them. Her father and brothers were big football fans and they watched a bit of basketball so she knew a little about those sports.

"I don't really know anything about baseball" she admitted. "But I know a lot about European football".

"Uh, soccer?" Amanda asked. AJ shook her head from side to side.

"No, ummm, it's like football but without all of the padding and stopping. There's more players on the field" she explained. She couldn't think of the other name for the sport. "Americans call it something else".

"Rugby" Amanda said naming the sport.

"Yes, that's it. Rugby" she said with a smile. "We used to watch it on tv all the time. I always wanted to play".

"Really?" AJ nodded. "Why didn't you?"

"My father, he wouldn't allow it" she said sadly. "He said it was unsuitable for girls. What about you?" she asked, not wanting to talk about herself anymore. "Did you get to play sports?"

"Yeah. I ran track in high school". She smiled remembering all the fun she had on the track team.

"That's nice" she said softly. Amanda got the impression that AJ wasn't allowed to do a lot of things growing up. "Where are you from?" she asked.

"Georgia. A small town called Loganville" she answered. "That's where all my family is. Well my parents are still there. They're not together anymore though. I have a sister. I'm not sure where she is now" she said sadly.

"You're not close with her?" she asked.

"Well we were growing up. Our parents weren't really around so I took care of the both of us. When she got older, she started acting out. We found out later that she had mental…." she paused trying to think of the right word to use, "issues. She was in and out of psych hospitals. She just had a really rough time".

"Did she run away or…."

"Something like that" Amanda said, not ready to give AJ the whole story. "Are you close with your brothers?"

"Ummm, not really. I mean, I was but I don't know" she said shrugging her shoulders. "We were very separated in all of our activities. I spent most of my time with my mother and they spent most their time with my father. That's just the way it is….in Islam; the very tradition kind anyway. The men are separated from the women" she explained. Amanda nodded her understanding. "We haven't really been able to be close since we were very little".

"You're the youngest" Amanda stated more than asked.

"Yes. Is it obvious?" she asked.

"A little" she said smiling.

"Why? Do I seem spoiled?" Amanda laughed.

"No, just sheltered. It's not surprising being raised with all boys". AJ nodded.

"Yes, well they're very protective". Their waiter came over with the check and reminded them that the restaurant would be closing soon. They both reached for the check at the same time but Amanda insisted on paying. She thought it was only right that she take care of the bill seeing as how she was the one who'd asked her out to dinner. It didn't take much for her to convince AJ to let her pay. She got the feeling that she was this submissive all of the time. Once the bill was paid, they walked out of the restaurant together. "Thank you…for dinner. I had a nice time with you".

"I had a nice time with you too" she said.

"Ok, well good night". She turned and started to walk away but Amanda remembered that she'd taken a cab to the restaurant.

"Hey wait" she said stopping her, "let me give you a ride home".

"No" she said quickly. "Uh, that's ok. I'll just take the subway".

"It's late. Let me drive you" Amanda said trying to change her mind. "It's not a problem".

"I just….I'm just not comfortable…" AJ didn't know how to explain her declining a ride home from Amanda without sounding rude.

"What?" Amanda asked encouraging her to continue.

"I don't want to be rude" she said honestly. "I know you're a detective and all, but I don't feel comfortable with you having my address. I mean, I…I don't even know your last name".

"Rollins" Amanda said simply. AJ laughed. "Come on, let me at least drive you close. I promise not to watch you walk into your building". She waited for AJ to think about her offer. "Please" she said sweetly. AJ laughed again.

"Ok" she said giving in. They walked to Amanda's truck and started the drive to AJ's apartment. She gave her directions until they got around the corner from her building. "You can stop right up here" she said. Amanda hesitated but did as AJ asked and pulled over to the curb. "Thank you for the ride".

"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you in fro…."

"I'm sure" she said cutting Amanda off. She opened the door and slid out of the car. "Good night, Amanda".

"Good night". AJ shut the door and walked off down the street. Amanda had to fight really hard to keep her promise to not watch her to her building. As she was walking, her phone started ringing. She looked and saw Amanda's name. She smiled and answered the phone.

"Hello" she said into the speaker.

"Hi" Amanda said, "I promised not to watch you into your building so I thought I'd call and talk to you until you got inside". She heard AJ laugh on the other end of the phone and couldn't help the smile that came across her face.

"That's very kind" she said smiling. "I'm walking up to my building now".

"Good" she said feeling better having an update. "I'll just stay on until you get inside your apartment". AJ laughed again.

"Are you going to keep changing how long you're gonna stay on the phone with me?" she asked.

"No, I just…I really just want to make sure you get in okay" she assured.

"Well, I'm at my door. I'm taking out my keys and now I'm unlocking my door" she said giving her a step by step of her getting into her apartment. Amanda laughed. She heard dogs barking in the background. "Sounds like my buddies are excited to see me. And now I am shutting and locking my door". AJ shushed the dogs and walked over to check their bowls. None of them needed food or water so she went to her bedroom.

"Ok. And now that you are safe inside your apartment, I am driving home".

"Drive safely" she said hoping Amanda wouldn't try to talk to her as she drove home. "We should get off the phone now. Talking on the phone and driving is very dangerous, you know".

"I might have heard that somewhere". She didn't want to get off the phone with her but it was late and she figured AJ wanted to get to bed. "Good night, AJ".

"Good night, Amanda". She hung up the phone and started to change for bed. Amanda made it home twenty minutes later and was greeted by Frannie at the door. She added some water to her bowl then went to her room to get ready for bed. She was happy about how her date with AJ had gone. She hoped she'd want to go out with her again.


	3. Chapter 3: A Likeable Kind of Strange

**AN: I neglected to put this at the beginning of the story so I'm going to do it now. This is my one and only disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU, it's storyline or any of it's characters. They belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. I retain ownership of original storyline and all original characters. Also, for the translations that are included in the story I will not include them again in the list of translations at the bottom. For all others, they can be found at the end of every chapter. As always please leave your honest reviews. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 3: A Likeable Kind of Strange

Amanda was the second one into work the next day. Nick was already sitting at his desk working. Things were still awkward between them from the situation with Nate but they were slowly getting back to normal. She said good morning and went to go make herself a cup of coffee. As she sat down at her desk, Fin walked in and sat at his desk across from her. Olivia walked in and said good morning to everyone as she headed into her office.

"So how was that booty call?" Fin asked without a hint of discretion. Olivia stopped just outside her office door and looked over at Amanda. She turned to see that Nick's eyes were on her too.

"It was not a booty call" she said looking at Amaro. She turned to see that Benson was still standing outside her office staring at her. "It wasn't". A smirk came over her face and she disappeared into her office, shutting the door behind her. Amanda balled up a piece of paper and threw it at Fin who was now laughing hysterically. "I can't believe you just said that".

"You should've seen the look on your face" he said still laughing.

"Oh yeah. You're so funny" she said sarcastically. "I told you it wasn't a booty call. It was a date".

"Alright" he said finally cutting off his laughter. "How was your date?"

"I think it went….well" she said hesitantly.

"You don't sound so sure about that" he said noticing her reluctance to say the date went well.

"I don't know. There's just something….off about her". Nick of course was eavesdropping on their conversation. It wasn't like it was a private conversation but it wasn't one that he was invited into either.

"Who is she?" he asked. Amanda wasn't sure she wanted to include him in the conversation. She didn't really want him in her business but she was trying to work on mending fences.

"She's a barista at a coffee shop" she said not giving him much detail.

"Rollins wasted hot coffee on her" Fin said giving him a little more info.

"Nice going" he said with a little laugh.

"Yeah, well I went back to find her. It took some doing but I finally got her phone number and asked her out to dinner" she said explaining how the date was arranged. "We went out last night and it was nice but she's…." she paused not knowing how to explain AJ's behavior.

"She's…" Fin said encouraging her to continue. Just as she was about to finish her sentence, Olivia came out of her office and said they had a call about a missing girl. Her parents were out of town and came home to find their house trashed and their teenage daughter gone. They all left to work on the case and saved the conversation about Rollins' dating life for later.

The case took a little over a week to come together. They didn't completely get the outcome that they'd hoped for but the victim would get justice for what happened to her. It came at a heavy cost. Her boyfriend was murdered in prison for giving testimony to the DA on her behalf. She asked Amanda if she'd ever had anyone love her so much they'd die for her. Amanda couldn't say she had. She couldn't imagine what it'd be like to lose someone who loved her that much and that she could love just the same. She couldn't help thinking about her sister. It wasn't exactly the same situation but if there was anyone she loved enough to die for, it was Kim. Then she just got angry because Kim hadn't done anything to deserve such devotion from her. In fact, she'd done everything possible to lose her loyalty and devotion. Amanda went to a bar for a few drinks on her own before heading home to Frannie.

Amanda tried calling AJ over the next several days but she wasn't returning her phone calls. She didn't want to seem desperate so she stopped calling. Then she saw her when she stopped in the coffee shop she worked at on her way to work. She was behind the counter, moving gracefully around her coworkers, making coffees and getting pastries for her customers. She stepped forward to hand out a coffee when she spotted Amanda waiting in line and waved her over. Amanda stepped out of line, not even having ordered her coffee, and went over to talk to her.

"Hi" AJ said happily. It was early in the morning but she still had a lot of energy.

"Hey" Amanda said returning her smile.

"What are you having?" she asked.

"Oh, I didn't order yet". AJ laughed.

"I know. I'll take care of it" she said still smiling.

"You don't have to d…"

"I want to" she said cutting her off. Amanda gave her order and AJ made the coffees herself. She gave her a bag with their new strawberry banana pastry to try out. "Tell me what you think".

"I will". She left a tip in the jar then took the bag and the tray of coffees from her. "I'll call you?" she said slightly asking. AJ smiled and nodded her head. Amanda turned and headed out the door and AJ got back to work.

Amanda was showered with thank yous when she walked into the squad bearing gifts. She gave everyone their coffees and offered them a pastry. Nick was the only one to turn the coffee and pastry down. They sat down at their desks with their breakfast to start the day. A call came in on another missing girl and it was business as usual. Everyone did their part to find the girl and bring her home safely. It turned into something more and more complicated as the case went on. Lives were ruined, lost, and irrevocably changed. They got justice for the girl but it didn't feel like enough. She was feeling down about how the case had gone so, when she got home, she called the one person she knew could cheer her up.

"Salam" she heard a sweet voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hi. It's Amanda" she said. Just hearing the sound of AJ's voice was making her feel better.

"Ya. I tahu" she said in her native language.

"What?" Amanda asked. AJ laughed.

"I tahu" she repeated. "It means I know". Amanda nodded her understanding as if she was sitting in front of her. "How did you like the pastry I gave you the other morning?"

"Oh, it was delicious" she said quickly. "My partner ate a whole one and took half of mine. He would've eaten the whole thing if I'd let him". AJ laughed.

"Well good. I'm glad you both liked it" she said smiling. "Ia adalah resipi saya….my own recipe".

"Really?" Amanda asked surprised. "So then you like to cook?"

"Not really" she said honestly. "But I'm good at it. My mother taught me everything I know about cooking; at my father's insistence of course". Amanda could hear the change in her tone when she mentioned her father. She knew that, whatever their relationship was, it wasn't good. "I guess I can thank him now seeing as how it got me a job". They talked for a while, mainly Amanda talked and AJ listened. She really had her guard up. Amanda wasn't sure yet what she was protecting herself against but it had to be something serious. She just hoped that soon AJ would trust her enough to share her past with her. "Ummm, I have to go" AJ said starting to end the conversation with Amanda.

"Oh, ok" Amanda said clearly disappointed. "Ummm, would you want to go out to dinner again?"

"Yes. Dinner would be nice" she said softly into the speaker.

"Ok. Good" she said pleased that she'd accepted. "I'll call you again and we can decide on when and where".

"Ok. Bye Amanda".

"Bye AJ". She hung up the phone and came out of her bedroom to see Frannie sitting next to the couch with her leash in her mouth. "Really" she said looking down at her. Frannie got up and came over to her and set the leash at her feet. "Fine, but you better do all your business while we're out because I'm not going out again later". She went in her bedroom and changed into jogging pants a t-shirt and put on her sneakers. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail then hooked Frannie on her leash. She grabbed her keys and they headed out the door. They stayed out for a couple hours before returning to the apartment. She lounged with Frannie and thought about calling AJ again but she didn't want to be a bother. She figured she was probably busy anyway. She ordered chinese for dinner and watched the history channel. When she was tired of being bored out of her skull, she turned off her tv and put her leftovers in the frig then went to bed.

Over the next week, she got into a monotonous routine of work then home, taking Frannie out, going back home, sitting on her couch, then going to bed. She made the occasional stop to the sports bar for a drink and to see how teams were shaping up. She hadn't talked to AJ since they'd decided to go out again for a second time. It was seven o'clock on a Friday and she was sitting at home with Frannie. She debated for a few minutes before picking up the phone and dialing AJ's number. It rang and rang before finally going to voicemail. She hung up without leaving a message and went back to watching television. An hour later her phone rang and it was AJ calling her back.

"Hey" she said answering the phone.

"You're allowed to leave voicemails you know" AJ said into the speaker. Amanda laughed.

"I know. I just never know what to say on the machine" she admitted.

"Well, maaf i dijawab panggilan anda" she said.

"Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" she asked.

"Speak to me in Malay? You know I don't understand a word your saying". AJ laughed.

"Well, I guess you should learn then". AJ had just gotten off from work and was walking home. She was walking towards the subway when she passed a man who cat-called her on the street.

"Where are you?" Amanda said hearing the voice of a man yelling.

"I'm on my way home" she said glancing over her shoulder to make sure the man wasn't following her. "I just finished my shift at the coffee shop".

"You're walking?" Amanda asked concerned.

"Yes, to the subway then it's just two blocks to my apartment" she explained.

"Well, why don't I come pick you up? Give you a ride?" Amanda said getting up from the couch. She started putting on her shoes before AJ had even given her an answer.

"No, you don't have to do that" she said declining her offer. "I'm almost to the subway".

"Yeah and there are men yelling at you while you walk" she said grabbing her keys. She left her apartment with Frannie right on her heels.

"Just one man" she said correcting her.

"I'm coming to pick you up" she said no longer asking.

"Amanda…."she said starting to argue. She heard a door close and an engine turn over.

"Stop arguing" she said. "I'm already in my truck. I'm on my way". AJ knew that it was useless to continue arguing.

"Fine" she said giving in. "mana i seharusnya menunggu?"

"Come again". AJ laughed.

"Where should I wait?" she translated. "I'm not far from the coffee shop. I can go back there".

"No. I just passed the coffee shop" she said. She was definitely breaking the speeding limit to get to AJ quickly. She didn't like her being out that late, walking all alone. "Oh, wait. I see you". AJ turned around to see Amanda's truck pulling up beside her. She hung up her phone and walked over to get inside. Amanda leaned over and opened the door for her to climb in. Frannie made room and then settled down in AJ's lap when she settled into her seat. She shut the door and looked over at Amanda.

"You did not have to come pick me up" she said. "The subway is just right there" she said pointing to the subway entrance.

"Well, I'm here now" she said pulling away from the curb. AJ looked down at Frannie and smiled. She'd made herself perfectly comfortable in her lap. She pet her head and played with her ears. Amanda drove the route to drop AJ close to her apartment building. She still didn't know which apartment building was hers. She stopped on the same corner she had when they'd went out on their first date. "I can drop you closer…..if you want" she said hinting that she wanted to drop her in front of her building instead of a block away.

"That's ok. I think I can make it from here" she said softly. She opened the door and slid out from under Frannie onto the sidewalk. "Thank you".

"You're welcome". She pushed the door shut and started walking to her apartment. Her phone started to ring and it was Amanda calling to make sure she made upstairs okay. She stayed on the phone with her until she'd gotten into her apartment safely. Even though Amanda was fine to stay on the phone with her while she drove home, AJ said that it was dangerous to talk and drive and insisted they hang up. She told her to call her back when she got home if she wanted; she'd wait up. So she got off the phone with her and as soon as she made it into her apartment, she called her back. They talked on the phone until they were both ready to fall asleep with the receiver pressed against their ears. They decided to go out again the next day when they were both done with work. After a three hour talk, they finally said good night.

The next day, Amanda went into the precinct and kept her fingers crossed that they didn't get any new cases. She wanted to get off work on time. She'd hate it if she had to cancel on AJ for their second date. Things were going slow when they broke for lunch and remained slow after they came back. It was six o'clock and Amanda was counting down the last hour of her shift. Fin looked over at her and finally said what he'd been holding in for the past ten minutes.

"Rollins would you knock it off?" he said annoyed.

"What?" she asked confused.

"Bouncing your leg" he said pointing out what she didn't realize she was doing. "You're shaking my desk".

"Sorry" she said bringing her leg to a standstill.

"What's up with you?" he asked.

"Nothing" she said sitting up in her chair. She refocused and worked on the file sitting in front of her.

"Come on" he said not letting her off the hook. "You've been anxious all day".

"I just want to get out of here on time" she said intentionally neglecting to mention why. But she knew her partner and there wasn't a chance he wouldn't ask why.

"You got something important to do tonight?"

"Yeah" she answered simply.

"GA?"

"No".

"Gotta take your dog out?" he joked. He always teased her about how she was one step away from being one of those crazy pet owners who treated their animals like they were their kids.

"No" she said giving him a playful glare.

"What then?" he asked curiously. She didn't answer him. She just kept working. "Oh, I know" he said getting an idea. "You're going out with the crazy girl again". She had told him she was working on setting up a second date and figured she'd finally done it.

"She's not crazy" Amanda said defensively.

"You said she's "off" he reminded her.

"I didn't mean in the head. I meant that I sense that….she has, you know, some issues" she said trying to clarify.

"Yeah, mental issues". Amaro came back to the squad room after taking a quick bathroom break.

"Who has mental issues?" he asked taking a seat at his desk.

"Rollins' date" Fin said with a laugh.

"She does not have mental issues. She's just…..secretive about her…" Amanda paused realizing how ridiculous this conversation was. "You know what, why am I explaining myself to you two? I'm the one dating her".

"Because if she's crazy we need to know" Fin said seriously.

"She's not crazy" she said a second time.

"Well what does she have to be so secretive about?" Amaro asked.

"A lot of things" she said with a shrug. "We've only been on one date. I don't expect her to share her whole life story with me". "_Knowing which apartment building she lives in wouldn't be a stretch though" _she thought to herself. "We're taking things slow".

"So you _do_ have a date with her tonight?" Fin asked.

"Yes I do".

"Where you taking her?" Amaro asked. Amanda shrugged.

"I don't know. I was thinking I'd let her choose" she said. "I picked where we went last time".

"She still doing that Ramadan thing?" Fin asked. Amanda laughed.

"Yes Fin. She's still doing "that Ramadan thing".

"So it's gonna be another booty call date" he joked.

"It was not a booty call" she said throwing her pen at him. Both guys laughed at her. "It wasn't" she said again. Fin tossed her pen back to her and they got back to work. Thirty minutes later, Amanda was gathering her things to head out when Benson came out of her office.

"We've got a call" she said holding a sticky note with the address on it. "Who's catching?" It was Amanda and Fin's turn to go out. Just when she thought she was free to go, she gets sucked right back in.

"Fin and I will go" Nick said volunteering to cover for Amanda.

"You two partner up while I wasn't paying attention?" Olivia asked. She was usually the one to go out with Nick.

"Nah" Fin said standing up from his desk and putting on his jacket. "Rollins has a booty call date" he said laughing. Olivia looked over at Amanda.

"It's not a booty call date" she said looking at her boss. "It's just a date" she said heading for the door. "A normal date" she added. She went home and took Frannie out for a walk. When she got back to her apartment, she showered and got dressed then called AJ to make sure they were still on for their date. AJ was still getting ready when she called. She'd gotten out of the coffee shop a little later than expected but she said they were still good to go out. Amanda asked her where she wanted to go but AJ had a hard time deciding.

"Maybe you should choose. I'm not very good at deciding things" she admitted.

"Well, what do you like?" Amanda asked.

"Uh, I don't know. I like a lot of things" AJ said not really narrowing the options for them. "I'm really not picky".

"What about breakfast?"

"Uh, it's nine in the evening" AJ reminded her.

"I know" she said. "You've never had breakfast for dinner?"

"No" AJ said simply.

"Really?" Amanda asked surprised.

"Really" AJ said in a quieter tone. She was a little embarrassed that she hadn't done what Amanda made sound like a common thing. Amanda probably thought she was so weird.

"Well, that's what we'll do tonight then. Do you want me to pick you up or…." She trialed off letting AJ pick up where she ended.

"Ummmm…." AJ thought for a moment about what she wanted. "Sure" she said, again, surprising Amanda.

"Oh" she said obviously caught off guard. "Ok. So I'll just come to the same place I dropped you last night?" she asked. She hoped AJ would surprise her again and tell her she could pick her up in front of her building.

"Yeah, that's fine" she answered, dashing Amanda's hopes.

"Ok. Great. I'm heading out now" she said grabbing her keys. "I'll call when I'm close so you can come out".

"Ok". They got off the phone and Amanda made the drive over to pick up AJ. She called her to come down to the corner and met her just as she walked up. She was about to get out and open the door for AJ but she just opened the door for herself and climbed in. They went out and had breakfast for dinner as planned. Amanda had pancakes and scrambled eggs and AJ had blueberry waffles and apple juice. She informed Amanda that apple and grape juice were the only juices she liked. She gathered it was because those were the only fruits she liked.

"She you only eat apples and grapes?" Amanda asked. "No other fruit?"

"Ummm, well I guess pineapples are good" she said after some thought. "Oh and peaches" she added. "I like peaches too".

"And that's it?"

"Yeah, that's it" she said nodding her head.

"I'm afraid to ask about vegetables" she joked.

"Oh, I don't like vegetables" AJ said quickly. Amanda laughed until she looked at her face and saw she was completely serious.

"No…none?" she asked. AJ shrugged.

"Corn and green beans" she said, "but not any others".

"But you're a vegetarian right?" AJ laughed.

"No" she said shaking her head. "I eat meat I just….I don't eat it often. I don't really like it" she explained. "And I'm not allowed to eat pork so…."

"Right" Amanda said as she nodded her head. "I thought you said you liked a lot of things and that you weren't picky". AJ laughed again.

"I do and I'm not".

"But you only like a few kinds of fruit and couple vegetables and you don't meat often because you don't like it that much" she said recounting her preferences.

"You make me sound so strange" AJ said smiling uncomfortably.

"I think you're a little strange" she admitted. AJ's smile faded. "But I like it" she added. A smile crept back up onto AJ's face. Their waiter came over with the check and told them they would be closing soon. Amanda looked at her watch and saw it was nearing one in the morning. She couldn't believe they'd been there for three hours already. The time had gone by so quickly. She and AJ argued for a minute over who should pay the bill. She wanted to pay because, again, she'd been the one to ask her out to dinner. AJ wanted to pay because Amanda had paid the last time. Amanda won the argument again which she felt like would become a common thing between them. AJ wasn't very good at arguing. She didn't put up a fight for long. Once the bill was paid, they headed out of the restaurant and Amanda drove AJ home, or at least as close as she'd let her. She stayed on the corner and talked to her until she got inside her apartment then said good night and made the drive home. It'd been another nice night out with AJ but something about how closed off she was really bothered Amanda. It was normal to be cautious when just starting out dating someone new but to not even let her know what apartment building she lived in was a bit extreme. She decided she'd give it a little bit more time before she'd start to push her to open up. Amanda went to work the next day and as soon as Fin came in her asked about her date.

"It was nice" she answered.

"No weird stuff?" he asked.

"She's….I mean, she's a little strange" she admitted. "But not in a bad way".

"There's a good way to be strange?"

"She's just…..she wasn't born here. She moved here a couple years ago. She's from Malaysia so she's not completely adept with the customs" she explained. "But that's not what makes her strange. She just….she won't…."

"What?" Fin asked wanting her to spit it out.

"She won't let me know where she lives" she finally said. Fin and Nick both looked confused. "After our first date, I drove her home but she insisted that I drop her around the corner from her building. Then again last night, I pick her up and drop off around the corner because she….doesn't want me to know which building she lives in".

"What's that about?" Amaro asked. Amanda shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know" she said. "When I was looking for her, I went by her friends' apartment and they immediately thought something bad had happened to her. Even after I told them she was fine, they were still worried that she was hurt. Whenever I try to talk to her about her family, she clams up".

"You're thinking there was some kind of abuse" Fin stated more than asked. Amanda nodded her head.

"It would explain a lot of her behavior" she said finally stating her worries aloud. "I just don't want to bring it up too soon and scare her off".

"You need to ask her" Fin said seriously. "If she's on the run from somebody you need to know. You need to know what you're dealing with". Amanda just nodded her head. "I'm serious, Amanda" he said leaning forward in his chair. "You need to know what you're walking into especially if it could be something dangerous. And maybe you can help her out but you won't know unless you ask".

"Alright" she said getting his point. "You're right. I'll….I'll ask her". They worked the rest of the day mostly at their desk. They went on one call which turned out to be nothing. School personnel are mandated reporters but sometimes injuries on kids were just from normal child play which is what this case turned out to be. Amanda made it home by eight and took Frannie out for a walk. She called AJ when she got back in but she didn't answer her phone. She left her a message saying that she didn't want anything important; just to talk. She told her to give her a call back when she had time. She lounged around with Frannie for a couple hours, watched sports center, and had a beer waiting for AJ to call her back. It was nearing midnight and she figured she wouldn't be getting a call back tonight so she went to take a shower and then got ready for bed. She settled down with Frannie at twelve forty five. Just as her head hit the pillow, her phone rang. It was AJ calling her back. She answered with a smile on her face.

"Hey. I didn't think I'd hear back from you tonight" she said.

"I'm sorry" AJ apologized. "Is it too late?"

"No, it's fine" Amanda said quickly. "I wasn't asleep".

"I'm sorry I missed your call earlier" she apologized again. "I was out with Lily".

"It's ok" she said with a chuckle.

"Apa yang ada lucu?" she asked in Malay. She undressed as she held the phone between her shoulder and her ear.

"Ummmm…."

"What is funny?" she translated. She put on pajamas and climbed into bed.

"Oh. It's nothing. You just….apologize a lot" she said.

"Oh. I'm sor…" she paused realizing she was about to do it again. "I mean I…." Amanda laughed on the other end of the phone. "It's a habit" she said, "one that I'm guessing I should work on?" she asked.

"Only if you want to". Amanda didn't want her to think that she was criticizing her. "So I wanted to ask you something?" she said easing into the conversation she'd talk to Fin about having with AJ.

"bertanya jauhnya" she said nervously.

"Ok, ummm…." Amanda had no idea what she'd just said but she was going to pretend that she did. AJ laughed.

"Ask away" she said in English this time.

"Oh, ok. I just was wondering when it'd be okay for me to…..to know where you live". AJ laid in her bed and stared at the ceiling quietly holding the phone to her ear. "Hello" Amanda said when she didn't hear anything. "AJ, are you still there?"

"Um hum" she mumbled. She cleared her throat, "Yes, I'm here" she said aloud. "I, ummm, I don't know" she said. "I…." she was so flustered she couldn't put her words together.

"It's not that I want to come over or anything" Amanda said quickly. "I just would like to not have to drop you off on the corner anymore" she said honestly.

"Oh" AJ said softly. "Ummm, I'm sorry Amanda" she said apologizing yet again, "but I have to go. I've had a long day. I'm…really tired. I'm going to go to bed. Good night" she said abruptly ending their phone call.

"Good night". The words had barely left her mouth before the line disconnected. She kicked herself inside for asking about where she lived. She'd made her uncomfortable and now she didn't know whether she'd talk to her again. She might have done just what she was afraid of doing: scared her off.

Malay-English Translations

Maaf i dijawab panggilan anda- Sorry I missed your call


	4. Chapter 4: On the Run

Chapter 4: On the Run

Amanda woke up early the next morning so she could go by the coffee shop on her way in to work. She was hoping she would see AJ but she wasn't on the morning shift that day. Her co-worker told her to come back later. Amanda headed in to the precinct with coffee for everyone. They took their coffees and thanked her then sat at their desks and got to work. They'd been working quietly for twenty minutes when Fin spoke.

"Oh, I almost forgot" he said looking over at his partner, "Did you get a chance to talk to…." He paused realizing he didn't know the woman's name.

"AJ" Amanda said.

"AJ" he repeated. "Did you ask her?"

"I tried" she said. "I asked her when she'd let me know where she lived".

"And?"

"And she got really nervous. She couldn't get off the phone with me fast enough" she explained. "I went to her job this morning but she wasn't in yet. I probably scared her off".

"Why don't you just look into her yourself?" Nick asked. Amanda looked confused. "I mean you can run background checks; ask around about her. I mean, I know you said she's only been in the states a couple years but that's gotta be a long enough time for somebody to know who she's running from".

"I want to date her like a normal person" she said, "not investigate her like a perp".

"Well are you gonna try again to talk to her?" Fin asked. Amanda nodded her head.

"Yes" she said confidently. "I'm not giving up that easily". Olivia's office door opened and she walked out into the squad room.

"Good" he said, "Maybe if she knows you can help her she'll open up easier".

"We get a new complaint?" she asked over hearing their conversation.

"Nah" Fin said, "We were just talking about the girl Rollins is seeing". Amanda didn't really want everyone in her business. It was enough that Amaro was privy to every conversation she had with Fin about AJ. Now Benson was being brought into the mix.

"She in some kind of trouble?"

"No" Amanda said quickly. Fin looked at her sideways. "I mean, maybe. I don't know. I'm still getting to know her".

"She's running from an abusive ex" Amaro said as if he were positive of it.

"N….I don't know that" Amanda said. "I really don't need y'all to be involved in this. I can handle it on my own".

"What if she is running from an abusive ex?" Amaro asked. "It could be a dangerous situation".

"Then I'll handle it" she said again. "It's personal and I don't need or want your help" she said firmly. Olivia nodded her head and went on her way. Amanda got back to the file she was working on before Fin started their conversation. Nick looked over at Fin who just shrugged his shoulders and got back to work. Nick had no choice but to get back to work of his own. Amanda finished her day at the precinct then headed home. She called AJ on her way but she didn't answer. She took Frannie out for a walk and when she got back she called AJ again. It rang twice before going to voicemail. Amanda knew she'd screwed up by asking AJ about her apartment so soon. She should have just let her warm up to her and get comfortable enough to share her past with her. She got Frannie back on her leash and left her apartment again. She went over to AJ's friend apartment. She pushed the buzzer and Lily answered but she wouldn't buzz Amanda into the building. Amanda just hit other buzzers until someone let her in. She went up to Lily and Dan's apartment and knocked on the door. Dan answered.

"What do you want?" he asked angrily.

"I'm looking for AJ" she said.

"She's not here". He tried to close the door but Amanda stopped it with her hand.

"Well do you know where she is?" she asked. "I've been calling. She isn't answering her phone".

"Maybe that's because she doesn't want to talk to you".

"Well I want her to tell me that".

"I'm telling you" he said firmly. "Leave her alone or we'll report you to the police for harassment". Lily came to the door and saw Amanda there with her dog.

"AJ doesn't want to see you anymore" she said echoing her boyfriend's statements. "He thinks he's so smart sending a detective around here to make friends with her; get close to her so he can find her and they can swindle their way back into her life".

"Wha…I don't know what you're talking about" Amanda said interrupting her.

"Yeah right" Lily said not believing her. "You just tell him that it's not gonna work. He's never getting near her again". She tried to close the door but Amanda stopped it again.

"Who is he?" she asked. "Who's after her?"

"Drop the act" Dan said angrily. "Stay away from AJ". He pushed the door shut on Amanda and she heard the lock turn. Her suspicions were confirmed. AJ was running from someone and now she thought she was helping this man to find her. She didn't know what to do to convince AJ that she didn't know this man and that she wanted to help her. She took her phone from her pocket and dialed AJ's number. It started to ring and she could hear it inside Lily and Dan's apartment. She hung up the phone and knocked on the door again.

"AJ" she yelled through the door. "AJ please talk to me". She waited a moment but got no answer. She knocked again. "AJ please". The door swung open and a pissed off Dan was standing there.

"What part of "she doesn't want to see you" don't you understand?" he asked taking a forceful step towards Amanda. Frannie growled and then barked at him. Amanda pulled on her leash and told her to stop it.

"I just want to talk to her" she said calmly. "Look, I don't know who "he" is but whoever he is I can protect her. I can help her" she said loudly hoping that AJ could hear her. "I asked her last night about her apartment. I didn't mean to scare but I swear I'm not working for him, whoever he is" she assured him. She saw AJ walk up behind Dan. He turned around to see what she was looking at and saw AJ there.

"It's ok Dan" she said softly.

"Are you sure?" he asked concerned. She silently nodded her head. He walked away and left her alone to talk with Amanda. She walked over to the door and leaned against the door frame.

"I'm sorry that I made you uncomfortable and that I scared you" Amanda said apologizing.

"Ok" AJ said softly.

"Will you let me help you?" she asked. AJ shook her.

"No" she said simply. Amanda opened her mouth to argue but AJ didn't let her. "I don't want any help. I don't want to talk about it or to explain in detail. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing to be done; no laws have been broken" she explained. "I just….I ran away from something and I don't want to... how do you say, obsess….dwell. I want to move on".

"But if someone is threatening you…."Amanda said trying to explain her options.

"No one is threatening me" she interrupted. "I know you think I'm strange…."

"I didn't mean that in a bad way" Amanda said quickly. AJ shrugged her shoulders.

"You're right" she said. "A lot of people, American people, think that I'm strange; that my customs are strange. But I don't know how to be any other way. I'm sorry but I don't think that now is a good time for us to continue….getting to know one another".

"AJ….."

"Good night Amanda". She shut and locked the door then went back to the living room with Lily and Dan. She'd known from the start that this was a bad idea. It was too soon for her to be seeing Amanda especially knowing she wanted to be more than friends. She was lost in thought when Lily reached over and touched her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" she asked. AJ looked at her and gave a soft smile.

"Yeah" she said softly.

"Do you think she was telling the truth about not knowing Haleel?" she asked. AJ silently nodded her head. "Well you can stay here as long as you need. And we'll help you look for a new apartment". AJ shook her head.

"No, I'm not moving again" she said quickly.

"But if she does know Haleel then she'll tell him where you are" Dan said.

"She doesn't know him" she said surely. "I'm not moving" she said shaking her head, "not again".

"Okay" Lily said. She got up from the couch and gestured for Dan to come with her to bed. "You can stay here tonight. I'll get you a pillow and blanket". She went to the bedroom and Dan followed. She came back a minute later with a pillow and a blanket for her to sleep on the couch. AJ went to the bathroom to change then came back and got comfortable on the couch to go to sleep. Meanwhile, Amanda was getting comfortable in her bed. She laid there thinking of AJ and who it was and what it was that she was running away from. She wanted so much to help her but she couldn't do anything if she wouldn't tell her what was wrong. She wasn't going to adopt any of Amaro's methods and "look into her" as he'd suggested. She held on to what AJ said tonight; that _now_ wasn't the time for them to continue in their relationship. She hoped that meant that there would be a time for them in the future. She just hoped it wasn't too far in the future.

The next day at work, Fin asked Amanda if she'd gotten another chance to talk to AJ. Amaro was sitting at his desk and she really didn't want him involved in the discussion. He had a way of going off the rails with information, always thinking he knew the best way to handle things. She didn't want him taking it upon himself to conduct a side investigation into AJ's past. She said she had but she didn't want to talk about right then. She glanced in Amaro's direction and Fin got the message. He knew she didn't like everyone being in her business. He let it drop for the moment until they had some privacy.

They ended up picking up a case of a missing toddler which meant they were all working overtime. Fin and Amanda didn't get to have their conversation about AJ that day but he hadn't forgotten about it. It took them three days but they found the missing boy and got him back to his parents and arrested the kidnapper. He was a registered sex offender with a preference for little boys but thankfully hadn't molested the boy. He'd spent so much time running that he hadn't had time with his victim. The case was over and they were all tired but they still had paperwork to get done before they could head out. Nick finished up first. He was glad they'd gotten done just in time for the weekend and he wouldn't have to cancel his trip to DC to visit Zara. He said his goodbyes and headed out. Fin and Amanda finished within minutes of one another, handed their reports in to Benson then headed out. Fin asked Amanda if she wanted to get a drink and they could talk about AJ. She was reluctant to say yes. She really wanted to get home and get Frannie from her neighbor but she did want Fin's advice on what to do next about AJ. She agreed to go for a drink so they hit the bar and found a booth to sit in near the back.

"So what's the deal?" Fin asked once they'd gotten their drinks. "How'd it go?"

"I was right" she said taking a drink from her glass.

"She's running from someone". Amanda nodded her head. "Who?" he asked.

"I don't know" she said with a shrug. "She didn't really want to talk to me. She wasn't taking my calls so I went over to her friend's, the ones I told you about". Fin nodded so she knew he was following her. "They didn't even want to let me in the building. When I got in and got up to their apartment, they pretended she wasn't there. Her friend, Lily, she basically said that they think I'm working for whoever it is that AJ is running from. They think these people sent me to find her".

"Whoa wait a minute" Fin said stopping her. "These people" he said noticing her choice of words. "It's more than one person?"

"I think so" Amanda said with a nod. "She started out saying "he"; "he" thinks he smart sending a detective around. Then she said "they"; "they" want to get back into her life. Then she went back to "he"; saying "he" isn't getting near her again. And they seriously think this guy sent me. I mean, they threatened to report me for harassment" she explained.

"You said they tried to pretend that she wasn't there?" he asked. Amanda nodded. "But she was there?" She nodded again.

"They shut the door on me and I tried to call her again" she said continuing to explain the other night's events, "and I heard her phone ringing inside their apartment. So I knocked again. I asked her to come talk to me. Lily's boyfriend, Dan, came back to the door; basically told me to get lost. I told him I didn't know who this guy was; that I'm not working for him. I don't think he believed me but AJ must've heard what I said because she came to the door".

"And?"

"And she said that, yes, she's running from something or someone, but, no, she doesn't want to talk about it and she doesn't want my help. Then she said now isn't a good time for us to see each other and she closed the door in my face". She swallowed down the rest of her drink then asked waiter for another. "What do I do?" she asked. "Do I give her some space and let her decide when she's ready to talk to me again? Or do I keep trying to talk to her no matter what she says and hope that doesn't strengthen her suspicions that I'm working for this mystery guy?" She looked at Fin and waited for him to answer. They'd been partners and friends for three years now and he'd never let her down in the advice department, even when she was stubborn and didn't listen to him. He always had her back.

"It seems like there's a lot going on with this girl" he said. Amanda nodded her head. "I know you wanna help her but you gotta ask yourself if you're really in a position to do that right that now". Amanda looked down at the table then brought her glass to her lips for a drink. It'd been a few months since the whole Nate and Lena fiasco and he could tell she was off since then. She'd been coming to work late, hung over sometimes; butting heads with Amaro and Barba. The Sergeant wasn't happy with her attitude lately, Amaro and his gut were noticing something was off, and it didn't take much for him to see that a lot of things were weighing on her. He didn't know if she was gambling again but if she wasn't, he didn't want this to be the thing that pushed her over the edge. "Look, if this were as simple as getting a restraining order against this guy to make him stay away, I'd say do it" he continued. "But it sounds like it's a lot more complicated than that. I just want you taking care of yourself just as much as you take care of everyone else. Maybe this time she's asking for is just what you need. I say take it" he advised her. "Use it to get yourself back on track that way you can be fully available to AJ to help her with whatever or whoever her problem is". Amanda took in what he said and nodded her head so that he knew she was listening. They had one more drink then called it a night and headed home. Amanda was going to take Fin's advice and let AJ have the time she was asking for. That was the easy part. Using that time to get _herself_ together would be the more difficult part of the equation.


	5. Chapter 5: Friends Again

Chapter 5: Friends Again

Amanda tried to take Fin's advice over the next few weeks. She gave AJ the time she was asking for. She didn't call her and she didn't go by the coffee shop. She wasn't doing as good a job at using the time to get herself together. She placed a bet on a basketball game and found herself at the casino on a few of her nights off. It was back and forth with winning and losing. She was keeping her head above water as far as her debts were concerned. She was working to not let her out of work activities affect her job any more than they already had. She made sure she was getting to work on time and she dialed back the attitude with Nick. She didn't want to give Benson any reason to be on her case.

Another week went by and Amanda still hadn't heard anything from AJ. When she'd said that it wasn't the right time, she didn't specify when the right time would be. But it'd been a month and she really wanted to know how she was doing. She finished her shift and stopped by the coffee shop on her way home. She didn't go inside. She just looked through the glass to see if AJ was there. After just a few seconds of searching, she spotted her working behind the counter, a smile on her face as usual. She'd been watching for a couple of minutes when AJ looked in her direction. She couldn't tell if she was looking at her until she waved. Amanda smiled and waved back then walked away when AJ turned her attention back to her customers. She went home and took Frannie out for her walk then went back home to stay in for the evening. She was sitting on her couch with Frannie watching tv when her phone started to ring. She hoped she wasn't getting called in on a case. She grabbed her phone and checked the caller id and saw it was AJ.

"Hey" she said answering the phone as she turned her tv off.

"Are you stalking me?" AJ asked not bothering to say hello.

"No" Amanda said quickly. "I was just…. I wanted to make sure you were okay".

"I'm fine".

"Are you….do you still need more time?" she asked hoping that the answer would be no.

"I won't talk about it".

"I'm not asking you to". Amanda wanted to know more about what and who AJ was running from. It was the only way she'd be able to help her. But she didn't want to risk her cutting off contact with her again. She decided that this time she'd let AJ decide when she'd share her past with her. She figured she would have to eventually. How else would their relationship move forward?

"Ok" AJ said softly. "Then I don't need any more time". Amanda smiled on the other end of the phone.

"What's your schedule like tomorrow?" she asked eagerly. "I have the day off".

"So do I but I'm dog sitting".

"Well, how about we meet at the dog park and make plans from there? Say noon?" she asked.

"Ok" she said accepting Amanda's invitation.

"Ok. Great" Amanda said happily. "I'll see you tomorrow. Good night".

"Night". She hung up the phone and turned the tv back on. She was excited that AJ wanted to see her again. She wouldn't do or say anything to screw things up this time. She watched tv for a couple more hours before going to bed. She slept in the next morning, not getting out of bed until ten. She had cup of coffee while Frannie had breakfast and watched some tv before taking a shower. She put on jeans and tank top with a light jacket and a baseball cap. She put her phone and wallet in her pocket, put Frannie on her leash, grabbed her keys and left her apartment. She and Frannie walked to the dog park where Amanda and AJ had their first real conversation. She looked around and didn't see AJ but she was fifteen minutes early. She let Frannie off her leash to run around and found a spot to sit with a clear view of the entrance to the park. Twenty minutes later, she saw AJ walk into the park with the two dogs she sat for her neighbors. She let them off their leashes then looked around for Amanda. She saw her sitting in the grass, walked over and sat down next to her. She was wearing jeans and a blue long sleeved hooded shirt that really complimented her eyes. She sat quietly for a minute before speaking.

"Sorry I'm late" she said looking over at Amanda.

"Only a few minutes" Amanda said letting her know it wasn't a big deal. "How have you been?" Amanda asked.

"Fine" she said simply. "You?"

"Good". Things were a bit awkward between them now that Amanda knew the truth about AJ. She didn't know how they'd continue on if she didn't want to talk about herself. There was only so much Amanda could share before she'd be talking in circles. "I'm not sure where we go from here" Amanda said honestly.

"Me either".

"Humm…" Amanda hummed. "Let's see, what haven't I told you?" she said thinking out loud. "I moved here from Georgia three years ago. I just packed up all my stuff, left everything behind and came up here for a fresh start. There was a lot going on back home for me. I just needed to get out of there". AJ sat and listened to Amanda. She talked about the trouble she had at home, at work and in her personal life; how some things had changed since she'd moved there and how others had stayed the same. She wanted AJ to know that she wasn't the only one to run away from something; that she could understand.

"What's SVU?" AJ asked. She'd heard Amanda say she was an SVU detective a couple of times now but she hadn't really explained what that meant.

"Um" she hesitated thinking of the best way to explain. "It stands for Special Victims Unit. We investigate sexually motivated crimes" she explained. "Mostly rape cases but we also investigate child abuse, abductions and domestic violence". She went down the list talking about everyone on the squad, including Captain Cragen and Munch even though they were gone. "My partner, Fin, he's a great guy. He's a really good friend. I'm lucky to have him. He's helped me through a lot in my short time here".

"Everyone sounds really nice" she said with a smile. "Except for Nick" she added, "he sounds kind of annoying" she said honestly. Amanda laughed.

"Yeah, he can be very annoying" she said, "but he means well. At least that's what I tell myself so I don't dislike him so much".

"Both my parents grew up in Malaysia. They went to school together and he picked her as his wife". Amanda looked over at her surprised that she was talking about her family. "My mother said she knew from the first time she saw him that she was going to marry him. She said he looked like he came from the kind of stature that her father would approve of" she said with a slight laugh. "So she made sure to introduce him to her brothers and they became friends. They had him over a lot and that's how her father met my father's father and their marriage was arranged. She always jokes about how my father thinks that he chose her but really it was all her doing. He was really happy with the way things turned out having three boys and only one girl. My brothers were lucky. They were able to do pretty much everything they wanted and I was stuck at home with my mother" she said sadly. "Not that I don't love my mother because I do, very much. I learned a lot from her. I just wish I could've had more freedom. Instead I spent all my time being groomed for marriage".

"How'd you end up moving here to the states?" she asked.

"My brothers" she said simply. "They all wanted to go to school here. My youngest older brother had graduated undergraduate and wanted to come here to study for graduate school so we packed up everything and moved. It's always been about them really" she said, her tone still laced with sadness.

"What about you?"

"What do you mean?"

"School?"

"I only finished high school" she said sadly. "I never expected to go to college. It's not really what my father had planned for me".

"Well you're not with your father anymore" Amanda pointed out. "You're on your own. If you want to go to college, why don't you?" AJ shrugged.

"I wouldn't know where to start" she said honestly.

"Well, I'll help you". AJ looked over at Amanda with a furrowed brow.

"Why?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you want to help me? Why are you so interested in me?"

"The first time I met you I spilled hot coffee on you". AJ laughed. "I'm pretty sure anyone else would've been pissed but….you weren't. You kept smiling and you were more concerned about me than yourself. I figured anyone that can have that attitude that early in the morning after being burned by hot coffee had to be worth getting to know. And I thought you were….absolutely gorgeous" she added. AJ looked away at her last admission trying to hide the blush that came over her.

"Thank you" she said softly. "I think….the same about you".

"Thank you" Amanda said back. "So school" she said getting back to the topic at hand. "Do you want me to help you apply?"

"I'll think about it". They sat in the park for a while longer and talked while the dogs played. AJ didn't say anything else about her family but Amanda was happy that she'd shared as much as she had. She hoped it was only the beginning of what she'd learn about her. It was two o'clock when they finally got the dogs and left. AJ was done with Ramadan so they were able to go to lunch. They found a restaurant where they could sit outside with the dogs. They stayed at the restaurant for a couple of hours. When it was time to pay, both Amanda and AJ pulled their wallets from their pockets. Amanda said that she was paying but AJ said that it was her turn to pay. Amanda ended up paying the same as the last two times she and AJ had gone out. She wanted to argue but Amanda was so insistent. She just let her have her way. They left the restaurant and walked in the direction of AJ's apartment. She had to get the dogs back home. One of her neighbors was getting in at five o'clock and she wanted her dog to be there. Amanda walked her to the same spot she'd dropped her off before and they said their goodbyes for the day.

"Can I call you later?" Amanda asked. AJ nodded.

"Yeah".

"Ok. Bye".

"Bye". AJ walked off in the direction of her apartment building. She turned around and saw Amanda still standing there. She gave her one last wave then walked around the corner. Once AJ was around the corner, Amanda and Frannie headed home. She was glad she'd gotten to spend practically the entire day with AJ. They'd talked a lot and AJ had shared more with her than all their other conversations combined. She was excited to see how their relationship would progress. She called AJ later that evening and they talked more about her applying to college. AJ was hesitate to say she would do it. She really didn't think she would be able to get in to any schools and if she did, she didn't know what she'd study. Amanda told her they could figure it out together. AJ finally agreed to start the process.

"Why don't we have dinner tomorrow night and we can look into schools" Amanda suggested.

"Okay" AJ agreed. "I work until seven thirty but I can meet you after".

"Why don't I pick you up and we can have dinner at my place?" Amanda was taking a chance that the progress they'd made that day would continue and she'd say yes.

"Your place?" AJ asked as if she wasn't sure she'd heard Amanda right.

"Yeah. I can cook something or we can order in" she said continuing her pitch. "We can use my laptop to make a list of schools and programs you'd be interested in".

"You can cook?" AJ asked amused.

"Well, I'm not terrible". She remembered AJ saying that she was good at cooking. She was sure her own cooking was nothing compared to AJ's. "But we can order in if you don't want to risk it". AJ laughed.

"No" she said, "um, I'd like to see you cook". Amanda was practically leaping for joy on the inside.

"Ok. Great" she said calmly, trying to hide her excitement. "So, I'll pick you up at the coffee shop tomorrow at seven thirty?"

"Yeah".

"Great" she said again. "Good night AJ".

"Good night Amanda". They got off the phone and Amanda kneeled down to Frannie.

"Now, Frannie Mae" she said talking to her dog in serious tone, "we're having company tomorrow so you better be on your best behavior". Frannie looked at her for a moment then walked over to her water bowl for a drink. "Good. Glad we have an understanding" she said as if Frannie were paying any attention and could understand her. She got up and went happily to her room to get ready for bed. AJ was in her apartment doing the same when there was a knock at her door. She went over and looked through the peephole. It was her neighbor coming to pick up his dog from her. He paid her for the day and left. She went back to her room and finished getting ready for bed thinking about dinner with Amanda the next day. She was nervous to go to Amanda's apartment and nervous at the prospect of enrolling in college but she liked spending time with Amanda. She liked having a friend other than Lily to talk to. She hadn't given much thought to Amanda's interest in being more than friends with her. It wasn't something she was ready to consider. For now, she just wanted to enjoy having a new friend.

Amanda went to work the next day and was glad that they were mostly working at their desks. She was online looking at recipes trying to decide what to cook when AJ came over for dinner later. She really wanted to impress her. Then she thought she shouldn't try to cook anything new. Maybe she should just stick with something she already knew she could make. She let out another huff of air and Fin finally decided to ask what her problem was.

"Me?" she asked.

"Yeah you" he said like there wasn't anyone else he could've been talking to.

"I don't have a problem".

"What are you over there huffin and puffin about then?"

"Nothing" she said looking back down at her computer screen. She could feel Fin's eyes were still on her. She tried to ignore him but he was burning a hole in her. "I'm having AJ over for dinner tonight and I don't know what to cook" she said finally telling him her dilemma.

"So you're talking to her again?" he asked surprised. She nodded silently. "Did she tell the truth about who she's running from?" Amanda hesitated to answer. "Amanda, we talked about this" he said knowing from her hesitation that the answer was no.

"I know but….she's not ready to talk about it. I don't want to force her. I'm just gonna make myself available and when she's ready, I'll be there to help her".

"What if something happens before she's ready?" he asked. "Then you won't have any information to help. You'll have no idea where to start. More importantly, you could get caught in the crossfire" he added.

"I can handle it" she said confidently.

"But what if you can't?"

"Then you'll be my first call Fin". He looked at her sideways, obviously not satisfied with her answer. "Look, can you just give me some suggestions about what to cook?"

"Yeah. Nothing" he said. Amanda balled up a piece of paper and threw it at him.

"You two kids behave" Olivia said as she walked out of her office just in time to see Amanda pelt Fin with the paper ball. "I'm off to a meeting with Barba. Fin, hold down the fort for me, will ya?"

"Don't worry, Sarge" he said waving her off. "I got this".

"Dear lord" Rollins said under her breath. Olivia chuckled as went on her way and left her senior detective in charge of the squad. Nick came in from a quick trip to ME's office for some info on one of his pending cases. He took off his suit jacket and put it on the back of his chair before taking a seat at his desk.

"Rollins why don't you ask Amaro?" Fin asked. "He's Italian. They knew about food". Amanda ignored him and hoped that Nick ignored it too.

"Ask me what about food?" he asked entering the conversation upon hearing his name.

"She has a date tonight and can't decide what to cook" he said filling him in.

"This with the crazy girl?" Amaro asked looking over at Rollins.

"She's not crazy" Amanda said annoyed. "Anyway, I don't need any help. I've decided I'm going to make penne pasta with alfredo sauce and roasted potatoes and vegetables. I'll stop and get a nice bottle of wine. It's simple but elegant….right?" she asked looking back and forth between them. Fin shrugged his shoulders being no help at all. Amaro slightly nodded his head.

"Sounds good but you might want to go with sparkling cider or something non-alcoholic" he suggested.

"Why?" she asked confused.

"Well, she's Muslim right?" Amanda nodded her head. "They don't drink alcohol; at least they're not supposed to" he said amending his statement. "Maybe get both just in case". Amanda remembered AJ only ordering water when they'd gone out to dinner and wondered if that was the reason. She made a mental note get both and thought it would be one thing that she and AJ could talk about that night other than schools.

"I still think this is a bad idea" Fin said restating his opinion.

"Yeah, I heard you Fin". And he heard her too, loud and clear. She didn't have to use the exact words for him to know she was saying she didn't care what he thought about it. She was going to keep seeing AJ.

"What's a bad idea?" Amaro asked. "Rollins being the one to cook? What, you think she's going to poison her or something?"

"Or something" he said not letting him in on the whole story. He knew Rollins would get mad if he brought Amaro any further into her business. He dropped the conversation and got back to his work. He just hoped that his partner knew what she was doing.

Meanwhile at the coffee shop, AJ was halfway through her shift. The coffee shop was always pretty busy but they were especially so when AJ was working. People really liked AJ. They'd always plan to come in during her shifts which annoyed everyone else who worked with her even though they wouldn't say it aloud. Lily came into the coffee shop just after four thirty to see her. AJ took her break so she could sit and talk with her. Lily had coffee and AJ had tea. Dan's birthday was coming up and Lily wanted AJ's help planning his party. She hadn't known him long, or Lily for that matter, but she'd learned a lot about them in the short amount of time. It wasn't hard seeing as how they were pretty much the only friends she had until now; until Amanda. She gave her some ideas and they started making a list of themes to choose from. She only had a couple minutes left on her break before she had to get back to work.

"Hey, why don't you come over tonight?" Lily asked. "We can order in and finish planning".

"Oh, I can't tonight" AJ said in a regretful tone. "I already have dinner plans". Lily looked surprised.

"You holding out on me?" she asked interested in who she was having dinner with. AJ laughed softly.

"I'm just having dinner with Amanda". Lily's face fell almost immediately.

"I thought you didn't talk to her anymore".

"I wasn't but she stopped by the other day to check on me. She didn't come in or anything; just looked through the window. I called her later and we talked and…." AJ shrugged her shoulders.

"And…" Lily said encouraging her to go on.

"We decided to be friends again" she said. "I like her. I like spending time with her. I mean no offense Lily but I need more friends. You and Dan are great and all but you're pretty much the only people I talk to. When you two aren't around, I'm all alone. It's nice to have someone else to talk to".

"You can't trust her" Lily said firmly.

"That's not true. She's very nice" she said defending Amanda.

"What are the odds that a cop comes looking for you, wanting to get to know you, insisting on knowing where you live?"

"She wasn't insisting" AJ argued. "She only asked once. And meeting her was an accident. I told you I ran into her when she was leaving the coffee shop. She couldn't have planned that. I know you worry about me and who I see and I appreciate that. I really do. But I don't think you need to worry about Amanda". Lily was about to argue but AJ stood up from the table. "I have to get back to work". She took her cup with her and left Lily sitting at the table. She sat there for a moment longer before she got up with her coffee cup in hand and looked over at AJ. When they made eye contact, Lily gestured that she'd call her. AJ nodded her head then watched as Lily left the coffee shop. She didn't have much time to dwell on their conversation because of the line forming in front of her. She put it in the back of her mind and got back to work.


	6. Chapter 6: Putting Things Together

Chapter 6: Putting Things Together

The rest of the day seemed to drag on for Amanda. They didn't get any calls, which Amanda was thankful for. It meant she'd get out of there on time. She finished up some paperwork and handed it in to Benson for her signature so it could be sent off to the DA's office. After another hour at her desk she was able to get off the clock. She had an hour before she had to pick AJ up from work so she went to the store to get things for dinner and took it to her apartment. It didn't take her as long as she thought it would and she still had half an hour until AJ would be ready. She left the apartment with Frannie in tow and drove to the coffee shop. There was a park about a block away so she took Frannie there for a walk. She made it back to her truck promptly at seven thirty and waited for AJ to come out. AJ emerged through the doors of the coffee shop and spotted Amanda across the street. She had a smile on her face as usual as she carefully made her way over to the truck. She climbed in next to Frannie and they made the drive to Amanda's place. AJ was really nervous about this, especially since her conversation with Lily. She'd started to question whether she was being too trusting of Amanda. She didn't want to think that she was there to hurt her. She was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't realized that Amanda had pulled up in front of her building and turned her truck off.

"Hey" Amanda said getting her attention. AJ looked over at her. "We're here".

"Oh" she said softly. She laughed nervously to herself then took a deep breath and opened the door. She climbed out of the truck and Frannie jumped down behind her then she shut the door and followed Amanda inside the building. They went upstairs and were finally to her apartment door and AJ knew that this was her last chance to back out. Amanda opened the door and walked in with Frannie close on her heels. She turned around and saw that AJ hadn't followed her inside. _"Maybe this was a bad idea"_ she thought to herself.

"What's wrong?" Amanda asked.

"I…um, nothing" she said shaking her head. She took another deep breath and walked into the apartment. Amanda closed and locked the door and walked over to the kitchen.

"So I was thinking we could have pasta and roasted potatoes and vegetables" Amanda said clueing AJ in on her plans for dinner. "Now I know you said you don't like vegetables but I got some tips from Nick". AJ furrowed her eyebrows like she didn't know who Amanda was talking about. "Nick Amaro, one of my teammates. I told you about him, you remember?"

"Oh, yeah" she said with a nod. "The annoying one, right?"

"Right" Amanda said laughing. "Well his daughter, Zara, isn't too crazy about vegetables either so he roasts them and seasons them so they don't really taste like vegetables".

"And that works?" AJ asked.

"He says it does".

"Ok".

"I don't know if you like wine but I got a bottle of red" she said showing her what she'd bought.

"Oh. Well I don't….I don't drink" she said hesitantly.

"I also" Amanda said holding up a finger as she pulled another bottle from the refrigerator, "bought sparkling cider". AJ smiled at how nice it was that Amanda had gotten something without alcohol for her.

"That was very thoughtful of you" she said still smiling. Amanda took out everything she needed to start cooking. "Can I help with anything?" AJ asked.

"Um, no" Amanda said after thinking for a moment. "It's pretty simple. Why don't you make yourself comfortable in the living room while I get this started?" AJ looked at the clock and saw it was about time for her evening prayers. She asked Amanda for the bathroom and went inside for some privacy. When she finished, she came out and went to sit down on the couch. She watched as Amanda moved around the kitchen getting dinner started. She put a pot on the stove for the pasta and cut up potatoes and vegetables. Once everything was cooking and she'd set the stove timer she went over and sat with AJ in the living room. "How was work today?" Amanda asked.

"It was good" she said happily. Amanda could tell that AJ really liked her job. "Busy but still good. How was yours?"

"It was okay" she answered. "It felt really long because we didn't get anything new but that's a good thing". Amanda got up and grabbed her computer, a notebook and a pen then sat back down on the couch with AJ. "So have you thought about some things you might be interested in studying?" AJ shrugged her shoulders. "Ok, well let's start with some schools close to where you live and we can look at their programs". Amanda opened her laptop and turned it on. They looked up some universities and colleges near AJ's apartment and looked through what academic programs they offered. The timer on the stove went off so Amanda gave AJ the laptop so she could keep looking and went over to the kitchen to finish up with dinner. AJ looked over the school's websites and was a little stunned by all the choices. She looked for a few more minutes before shutting the laptop and going over to the kitchen with Amanda. "So did you see anything you liked?" she asked when AJ walked over.

"Um, I don't know. There's so many things to choose from. It's a bit….um, how do say….yang terlalu banyak; too much" she said searching for the word in English.

"Overwhelming" Amanda said knowing what she was trying to say.

"Overwhelming" AJ repeated. "Yes, very".

"It's gonna be okay" she assured her. "I'll help you figure it all out". After another few minutes, they were sitting down to dinner. AJ tried the vegetables and was pleasantly surprised that she actually liked them. Amanda poured them both glasses of sparkling cider instead of having wine herself. She didn't want to offend AJ by drinking in front of her but she was curious if she'd tried alcohol before. "So have you ever tried wine before?" she asked. AJ shook her head.

"We never had alcohol in our house growing up. I don't have any in my apartment now" she admitted.

"And that's for religious reasons?"

"Yes" she said simply. "Drinking alcohol is haram and najis in Islam; unlawful and impure. It's forbidden. It's addictive and it affects your mind and it's bad for children but most importantly it interferes with prayers. Anyone who drinks cannot pray for a whole month afterwards" she explained, "unless they repent". Amanda nodded her understanding. "My father was always very serious about it. He said drinking and drugs and gambling or anything else the Qur'an deemed the work of Satan was never to enter our lives; not even our minds". Amanda shifted uncomfortably in her chair when AJ mentioned gambling. She'd told her she had problems back in Georgia and since she'd moved to New York. She just hadn't specified that they were gambling problems. "I don't mean to say that you're tainted by Satan or anything because you drink" she said quickly seeing that Amanda had gotten a little uncomfortable. "It's just something my father used to say". Amanda laughed.

"I didn't think you were saying that".

"Well, what about you?" she asked. "Are you religious at all?"

"Uh, no" she said honestly. "Not really. I didn't grow up going to church or anything. Things in my house were always pretty chaotic. Getting to church was about the last thing on our minds".

"Oh" AJ said softly. "I see".

"Is that...do you think that's a bad thing?"

"No" AJ said quickly. Things were awkward now and Amanda wasn't sure what to say next. They ate quietly for a few minutes. Amanda offered AJ more cider but she declined. She was kicking herself now for asking her about religion. "I'm sorry". Amanda was confused by her apology.

"For what?"

"For….making things awkward" she said.

"You didn't" she said. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have asked".

"Well, I shouldn't bring up my father. He always seems to sour the mood even when he's not around". Amanda wondered what the deal was between AJ and her father. She was sure if she stuck it out long enough with AJ she'd find out.

"The mood isn't sour" Amanda assured her. "Let's talk about getting you into school" she said wanting to change the subject. "What do you like to do?" AJ thought for a minute before shrugging her shoulders.

"I don't know" she said honestly. "I haven't really gotten to do much to….form any real interests".

"Well you like your job at the coffee shop right?" she asked. AJ nodded. "What do you like about it?" She shrugged again.

"I don't know" she repeated. "I guess I just like helping people; serving people, putting a smile on their face. It makes my day".

"And what about in high school?" Amanda asked. "What was your favorite subject? Science, history, english?"

"I guess I….really liked math" she said. "I was always really good with numbers".

"Ok. What about accounting?" she asked. "You'll still get to work with people; help them. And you have to like math and be good with numbers. Accounting's perfect for you". AJ nodded her head.

"Ok" she said with a smile. "Accounting" she repeated trying to see if she liked the way it sounded. "Sounds good" she said agreeing that it was something she'd like to do. Then her smile faded. "What exactly does an accountant do?" she asked realizing she didn't know anything about the job. Amanda laughed.

"You'd basically help people manage their money" she explained. "Help them pay the right amount on their taxes, manage their financial records, analyze profit and loss statements. You can work for individual clients or you can work for a company".

"Oh. Ok".

"Sound like something you can do?" AJ nodded confidently. "Ok. So now we pick a school for you". Amanda got up from the table and took her and AJ's plates to the kitchen. She grabbed their glasses and the cider and went back over to the living room. AJ got up from the table and followed her. "Ok" she said opening her laptop again. She looked through a list of schools with good accounting programs. "What about Cornell University? That's a good school and they have one of the top accounting programs in the state" Amanda said looking at AJ. She recognized the name and knew she couldn't go to school there.

"I can't go there" she said shaking her head. "What's the next best one?" she asked quickly moving on before Amanda could ask her why she couldn't go to Cornell.

"Um" Amanda looked at the next school on the list. "New York University then Fordham, Binghamton and a couple others" she said reading the list. "But Cornell is the best. If you're worried about getting in, I don't think it'll be a problem especially if you apply as an international student".

"No, that's not it" she said, "I just….my brother goes to law school there" she admitted. "So I can't go there". Amanda was starting to put things together about AJ. She didn't like talking about her family, especially her father, and now she didn't want to go to the same school as her brother. She was starting to think that her own family was what she was running from.

"Ok" Amanda said. She wasn't going to ask her if her theory was right or not. She figured it was best to just move on. "Well, what about NYU?" she asked. "It's a good school". AJ nodded her head.

"Yeah".

"We can always apply to more than one and make some visits so you can get a feel for the campus environment and then decide which you like best".

"Thank you Amanda" AJ said abruptly. "For helping me do this. I really, _really_ appreciate it".

"It's nothing".

"It's most certainly not nothing". They looked at a few more websites and wrote down the tuition costs before shutting down the laptop. They sat in the living room and talked for a while longer before AJ asked what time it was. It was just past eleven thirty and she was getting tired. She decided it was time for her to go home. Amanda insisted on driving her instead of calling her a taxi. Again, AJ didn't argue. She let Amanda drive her home but still had her stop a block away from her building. They said good night and AJ walked to her apartment. She sent Amanda a text when she made it inside and tiredly made her way to bed.

Amanda went to work the next day and got questions about her dinner with AJ. She had nothing but good things to say. Fin was still worried about Amanda being in involved with her and not knowing who her trouble was with but he had to let her do her own thing. Of course, he was always there if she needed him. The next couple of weeks went by and Amanda was still spending time with AJ. She hadn't learned anything more about her family but she wasn't in any rush. They had a lot of fun together and little by little AJ was coming out of her shell. Amanda was still trying to help her fill out college applications but they'd hit a bit of a road block. AJ needed her high school records to send in with her applications but she didn't have any of it. Even though they hadn't finished her applications, Amanda still took her to visit a few campuses. She liked NYU the best but where she went would really come down to the money. NYU was really expensive and she wouldn't be able to afford it without help.

Lily was still skeptical of Amanda and she wasn't shy about letting AJ know. She questioned everything that Amanda did. She was still convinced that Amanda meeting AJ wasn't a coincidence and she wasn't going to stop until she figured out Amanda's true intentions towards her friend. When AJ told her that Amanda had suggested Cornell, she brought up again that it was probably because she was working for Haleel.

"She doesn't know him, Lily" AJ argued.

"You hope she doesn't know him" Lily said. They were sitting in Lily and Dan's apartment on a Saturday afternoon. AJ brought up that she was supposed to be seeing Amanda the next day and Lily started in with her theories. "Cornell was the first school she suggested. Why do you think that is?"

"It was at the top of the list for its accounting program".

"And why do you want to be an accountant anyway?" Lily asked. "Accountants are boring".

"Well, I guess I'll just be the first one that's a lot of fun".

"I don't trust her" Lily said for the millionth time.

"You've made that abundantly clear".

"So why won't you listen to me?"

"Because I don't feel the way you do. I trust her" she said confidently. "She doesn't want to hurt me". Lily still wasn't so sure. She was going to do what she needed to do to make sure that AJ didn't get hurt. That Monday, she left work and headed over to the precinct where Amanda worked. She walked in and was directed upstairs. She asked the desk Sergeant for Detective Rollins but he let her know she was out. Olivia walked in just to hear her ask for Amanda. She was about to turn and leave after being told she wasn't in but Olivia stopped her.

"Excuse me" she said reaching out and touching her arm. "I'm Sergeant Olivia Benson, Detective Rollins' commanding officer. Can I help you with something?" Lily thought for a minute about whether talking to her boss was the right thing to do. She decided to go for it.

"Maybe" she said finally speaking up.

"Why don't you come to my office?" She led the way and let Lily walk in before her. She stepped in behind her and shut the door. "Have a seat" she said gesturing to the chair in front of her desk. She walked over and took a seat on the edge of her desk. "I'm sorry I didn't get your name".

"Lily. Lily Raymond" she said introducing herself.

"Ok, Lily did something happen to you and you were referred here to speak with Detective Rollins?" she asked. Lily shook her head.

"No, I….I want you to tell Amanda to stay away from AJ" she said deciding to be straight forward.

"Um, I'm sorry. Who's AJ?" Olivia asked confused.

"She's my friend. She met Amanda at a coffee shop and she tracked her down and now she won't leave her alone". Olivia remembered when Amanda came in on her day off and got on the computer to look for a girl but she didn't remember her name being AJ.

"Ah, Dollah Rasyid?" she said remembering the name she saw on Rollins' screen. Lily nodded.

"She goes by AJ" she said telling her what she told Amanda the first time she met her. "She denies that she's working for him and AJ believes her but I don't trust her. I won't let AJ be hurt. She's doing really well and if Amanda tells him where AJ is….."

"Whoa, I'm sorry" Olivia said stopping her. "I'm not sure I understand what you're saying. You think Amanda is working for someone?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense. Why else would she go through so much trouble to find AJ and figure out where she lives and encourage her to go to school with him?" Lily was convinced that Amanda was up to no good and AJ was much more trusting than her. She had to look out for her.

"Uh, Lily, I don't know who this man that you're referring to is but I don't allow my detectives to freelance. Whoever this man is, Detective Rollins isn't working for him" she assured her.

"Maybe she's not telling you what she's doing in her free time" Lily argued. "Ask her. Ask her why she's so invested in AJ".

"I will but, uh, unless AJ complains I can't make her to stay away. You understand what I'm saying?" Lily nodded her head.

"I understand" she said standing up from the chair. "Thank you Sergeant".

"Of course". Lily left her office and went on her way. Olivia wasn't sure what to think of Lily's complaints but she knew she had to address it with Rollins. She sat down at her desk and started on the pile of paperwork in front of her. She glanced up every once in a while to see if Fin and Rollins had come in. She finally saw them walk in the squad room and go to their desks. They were doing their usual banter back and forth, debating their case or joking between themselves. Olivia got up from her desk and went to her doorway.

"Rollins" she said getting her attention. She had that tone that let Amanda know everything wasn't well. She didn't need to say anything else for Amanda to head over to her office. When she walked in the Sergeant was already sitting behind her desk. "Shut the door". Rollins pushed the door shut then turned around and waited for her to tell her what was going on. "I got a visit today from a Lily Raymond" she said getting right to it. Amanda got a deer in the headlights look on her face. "She seems to think that you're investigating her friend for someone".

"She's wrong" Rollins said simply.

"Ok. Who is this guy?"

"What guy?"

"The guy you're supposedly working for?" Amanda shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know". Olivia gave her a look that said she wasn't convinced. "I really don't" she assured her.

"Is she asking you to stay away from her?"

"No" she said quickly. "I mean she did at first. And I did. I left her alone when she asked. I didn't see her for a month".

"And then?"

"And then we talked" she said simply. "We worked it out. We're fine now".

"So, why would her friend come in here and ask me to tell you to leave her alone?" she asked.

"I don't know" she said shrugging her shoulders again. "Maybe she still thinks I'm working for….whoever she thinks I'm working for?"

"Is this girl in danger?" Olivia asked. Amanda hesitated to answer. "Lily said she's not going to let AJ get hurt. Is someone trying to hurt her?"

"Maybe" she said unsure. "I think so".

"You think so?"

"She's running from something….or someone" she explained. "But she won't talk about it"

"Amanda…."

"She's a good person" she said not letting Olivia get a word in. "I like her and I'm going to keep seeing her" she said definitively. "It's not interfering with my work".

"Uh, if people who've been in her life longer than you have continue to come in and complain about you bothering her, it will be a problem".

"I'll talk to Lily".

"No, don't" Olivia said firmly. "It'll just give her more ammunition for complaints. Just talk to AJ and have her talk to Lily. I don't want to see her in my office again. I don't want any more complaints from her". Amanda nodded her head. "I'm serious Rollins".

"Roger that Sergeant". She headed out of the office back to her desk and sat down. She didn't know how she'd talk to AJ about Lily or when but it had to be done. She hoped AJ hadn't changed her mind about them seeing each other and sent Lily here to complain about her.

"What was that about?" Fin asked.

"Uh, just some personal stuff?" she said vaguely.

"Yeah. And?" he said wanting more information.

"AJ's friend came here while we were out and talked to Benson about me. She wants her to make me leave AJ alone".

"I told you to stay away from that girl" he said giving her a stern look.

"She's not even the one that's complaining" Amanda said defensively. "I just have to get her to talk to Lily and tell her….to mind her own business". She thought about her words as they left her mouth and knew that it wasn't likely to happen. AJ didn't seem like the type to put anyone in their place. Benson had specifically told her to stay away from Lily but she didn't think the problem would go away any other way. Then she had another idea. She finished her day at the precinct and then headed over to Lily's apartment. She got buzzed in the building and went upstairs and knocked on the door. Just the person she was looking for answered. "Hi".

"What do you want?" Dan asked. He obviously wasn't happy to see her there.

"Lily came to my job today and talked to my boss" she said getting to the point. "She complained about me seeing AJ. She still seems to think that I'm working for whoever" she said with a shrug. "I've been ordered to stay away from her so I thought I'd come talk to you. I really like AJ and I don't want to see her hurt. I understand that she's concerned for her but going to my job and talking to my boss was out of line. I won't stop seeing AJ unless that's what AJ wants" she said firmly. "You tell her I said that. And if she has anything she wants to say to me then she can get my phone number or my address from AJ". She didn't give him a chance to say anything. She'd said what she wanted and that was all she'd gone there for. She walked away from his door and left the building to head home. She took Frannie out for a walk then called AJ when she got home. She debated whether to bring up what Lily did but decided against it because of AJ. She was in such a good mood, talking about her good day at work and finishing her college applications. She was the most talkative Amanda had ever heard her. She didn't want to say anything to ruin her mood. They talked for a while longer then AJ said she needed to go. She didn't tell Amanda but it was time for her evening prayers. They got off the phone and Amanda decided to go to bed a little earlier than normal.

AJ had the next the day off from work and she didn't have to dog sit. She thought it would the perfect day to make a trip to Staten Island. She was trying to finish up her college applications but she needed her high school transcripts and college entrance test scores. She didn't have any of that with her and she knew there was only one person she was sure could point her in the right direction. It'd been a year and a half since she'd set foot in Staten Island and she was nervous to be back. But after going through all of the possibilities of what going to school could be for her, she was really looking forward to it. She'd finally reached her destination and walked up to the house. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. A minute later, she heard the lock turn. The door creaked open and a very familiar face greeted her with a look of shock.

"Hello mother" she said softly.


	7. Chapter 7: Meet Damia Rasyid

Chapter 7: Meet Damia Rasyid

"Hello mother" she said softly. She was so happy to see her. It'd been so long. She just hoped her mother was happy to see her too. Shock was more on her face than happiness. AJ waited a moment for it to register with her mother it was her standing there. Finally her look of surprise gave way and a smile took its place.

"Dollah Aisyah" she said excitedly. She stepped out and wrapped her arms around her daughter whom she hadn't seen in over a year. She pulled away and looked at her for a moment. AJ was wearing jeans and yellow short sleeved shirt. Her hair was uncovered and braided from one side of her head to the other and laying over her shoulder. Her smile slowly faded the longer she looked at her. "Salam ditujukan kepada anda" she said softly.

"Kedamaian, rahmat dan berkat Tuhan kepada kamu" she said back.

"Datang". She took her daughter by the hand and led her inside. She closed the door and ushered her to the living room to sit down. She went to the kitchen and came back with a tea tray. She set the tray on the table and took a seat next to her daughter. She put a bag in both their cups and filled them with water. "Adakah anda baik?" she asked in Malay. It wasn't that she couldn't speak English. It was a popular language in Malaysia, especially in the business sector which her husband was a part of. But she never liked to speak it in their home even after they moved to the US. She picked up one of the cups and handed it to AJ before picking her own.

"Yes" AJ said nodding. "I am. Aku mempunyai kerja yang saya nikmati. Saya telah membuat kawan. How are you, mom?" she asked taking a sip of her tea.

"Baik".

"I tahu bahawa ayah masih marah dengan saya tetapi saya memerlukan bantuan anda" she said getting to the reason she'd come. Her mother looked at her and nodded as if telling her to go on. "I want to go to school" she said plainly. "Like Haleel and Amal and Daud. I've applied to schools but I have to send them my records from high school" she explained. "I thought you might have them".

Damia Izara Rasyid was a very strong woman and, like her husband, rooted in tradition. She followed the teachings of Islam and the traditional customs of her culture her entire life. Then she moved with her husband and children to an entirely different country with different teachings and cultures. She was experiencing the melting pot that she'd always heard America was. Her children were given opportunities she never had and seeing things she'd never been exposed to. After just six months of life in this country, she lost her daughter. It'd been the most painful thing she'd ever been through but, like AJ, Damia wasn't one to argue. She'd watched her daughter pack her things and leave their home, not knowing if or when she'd return. Mikhail, her husband and AJ's father, had been furious when she left. He forbad Damia from trying to bring her home. He said when she was ready to do right by her family, she'd come home on her own. Now, seeing her daughter almost two years later she realized that nothing that happened before mattered. She was her daughter and she loved her. She didn't want to be without her any longer. She set her tea down on the table, got up from the couch and went upstairs. Five minutes later she came back down with a box. She sat down with the box in her lap and took the lid off. AJ finished her tea and set her cup back on the tray.

"Aku menyimpan semua surat-surat penting di sini" she said going through the box. She pulled out AJ's certificate of completion from when she finished high school and found all of her grade cards then handed them to her daughter.

"Terima kasih" she said as she took the papers from her. Her mother reached up and touched her daughter's hair. It was braided in the way she used to do for her. She'd always loved brushing her daughter's long, thick hair.

"Miss you" she said finally speaking to her in English.

"I miss you too, mom". Tears welled up in her eyes and she laid her hand over her mother's.

"You come home?"

"No" AJ said softly. "I can't come home" she said sadly. "Maybe you can come to the city and see me" she said hopefully.

"The city?" AJ nodded.

"Di mana I tinggal" she explained. "Anda tidak perlu beritahu ayah". Damia thought about it for a minute then nodded her head.

"Yes" she said with a smile. AJ's smile grew wider at her mother's agreeing to come visit her. She looked into the box and found a pen and another piece of paper with her name on it and wrote down her number.

"Memanggil saya apabila ayah tidak adalah rumah. kita akan bercakap lebih lanjut mengenai ia". Damia looked at the number and nodded her head. AJ got up from the couch and went to the door. She wanted to stay longer but she couldn't risk it. She knew what her father's schedule was but it'd been nearly two years. She didn't know how or if it'd changed. It was safer for her to leave now and plan her for mother to visit her in the city instead. She turned around to her mother before leaving, "I mencintai kamu".

"I mencintai kamu terlalu". AJ gave her a hug, lingering for a minute, then turned and left the house to head back to Manhattan. When she got home, she looked over the papers her mother had given her. She couldn't believe she'd save all of her grade cards. Her father used to put her brother's achievement on display. He was a proud father of three sons. He paid so much attention to them that he never had time for her. Her mother tried to compensate for his inattention of her. She gave her all of her time, doted on her. It's a wonder AJ didn't end up a spoiled brat. But no amount of attention her mother gave her could make up for a father who couldn't care less that she was there. But things changed when they moved to the states. She became a great asset to him and he started to give her more attention than she wanted. Finally she made up her mind that her only choice was to leave. Now she was on her own and doing well for herself. She finally had the chance to do some of the things she never thought she would, school being one of them. Now all she had to do was finish her applications and wait to see which schools, if any, accepted her.

Later that day she called Amanda and asked if she could come over to her apartment. She needed her help in finishing her applications. Of course, Amanda said yes. She took a cab over to her apartment and went upstairs. When Amanda opened the door, AJ, as always, greeted with her a smile. Amanda stepped aside to let her inside then closed and locked the door behind her. AJ bounded happily into the apartment over to the living room and sat down on the couch. Amanda walked over and joined her.

"So I have them" she said looking into her bag and pulling out the papers her mother had given her. Amanda took them and looked them over. "They're my grade cards from high school. That's what I need right? To finish my applications?"

"Um, yes" she said looking at her grades, "but they'll need an official transcript". AJ's smile fell.

"But this is all I have" she said disappointed. "I also have my Sijil Tinggi Persekolahan Malaysia" she said pulling another paper from her bag and handing it Amanda. "It's like a diploma".

"Uh, maybe we should get you another appointment to talk to an admissions counselor" Amanda suggested. "They'd be able to tell you if they'll accept these".

"Ok" AJ said softly. She'd lost the excitement she'd come into the apartment with.

"What's wrong?" Amanda said noticing her change in mood.

"Nothing. This is just….harder than I thought".

"Well, we're almost there" she reassured her. "There's still time for you to get in before the fall semester starts". AJ gave a weak smile and nodded her head. "So how'd you get these?" Amanda asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you said you didn't have any of your high school records" she said remembering AJ worrying about that part of the paperwork.

"I, uh, I found them" she lied, "in some of my stuff". Amanda could tell that she wasn't telling the truth.

"Oh, ok" she said.

"That's not true. I didn't find them" she admitted. "I went to see my mother today. She gave them to me". Amanda's eyes widened at her admission. From all of their conversations, she'd concluded that AJ didn't have a relationship with her parents since they moved to the states. "She was surprised to see me. It's been a long time".

"How long?" she asked.

"Almost two years now" she said adding the time in her head.

"I haven't seen my mom since I moved up here. I've even been home a couple times but I still haven't visited her". She wanted AJ to know that she wasn't alone in having family troubles. Granted she'd never really had a close relationship with her mother but still, she wanted AJ to know that she understood.

"Why not?" AJ asked. "Why don't you see her when you're home?"

"We have a complicated relationship and we were never really close anyway" she explained. "It's just usually drama when I see her so I just….don't". AJ nodded her understanding.

"She's agreed to come here" AJ said, her smile back full force. "My mother" she clarified. "She's agreed to come into the city to see me".

"That's great" she said excited for her.

"Yes. I've really missed her". She thought for a moment about whether or not to ask her next question. She didn't want to impose on Amanda but she also didn't want to explain. After some thought, she decided to go for it and ask. "Do you think….would it be okay if she came here?" she asked hesitantly.

"Here as in here, my apartment here?" Amanda asked confused. AJ nodded nervously awaiting her answer, hoping she didn't ask why. "Uh, sure" she said agreeing. AJ sighed in relief but it was short lived. "Why?" She asked the one question AJ was hoping to avoid.

"I just, I can't take her to my apartment" she answered vaguely.

"Why not?" Amanda knew that if she wanted more information about the situation with AJ and her family now was her chance to get it.

"Well, she said she wouldn't tell my father but, just in case, I don't want her to know where I live" she said honestly.

"Why can't she tell your father?" Amanda asked hoping to finally get the whole story on what AJ was running from.

"It's complicated" she said softly. "I can find somewhere else to take her if you…."

"No" Amanda said stopping her midsentence. "You can bring her here".

"Thank you" AJ said gratefully.

"You're welcome". AJ looked at the time and decided she should head home. If she left now, she'd get home in time for her prayers. She gathered her papers and returned them to her bag. Amanda offered to drive her but she declined saying she'd take a taxi. She said good night and headed for the door before Amanda could offer any arguments. She closed and locked the door behind her then went to room to shower and get ready for bed. The next couple days, AJ got the high school records part of her applications done but found out she'd have to take either the ACT or SAT and send those scores in before her application was complete. She hadn't done any college entrance testing in Malaysia and the admissions counselor said her applications wouldn't be considered until she got those done. She gave her some books to help her prepare and a list with dates of when she could take the exams. She recommended that she take both just to be safe. AJ thanked her and went on her way.

When Amanda called her later that night, she was deep into the prep books the advisor had given her. She'd already signed up to take both the ACT and the SAT and she had to do well the first time around. There might not be time for her to retake them before the fall semester started. They didn't talk for very long because Amanda could tell that AJ wasn't really into the conversation. She was more focused on studying for her exams. They made plans to meet for lunch the next day and got off the phone. About twenty minutes after she got off the phone with Amanda there was a knock at her door. She put her books on the table and went to the door. She looked through the peephole and saw it was Lily. She unlocked the door and let her in.

"I haven't talked to you in a few days" Lily said coming into the apartment. They went over to the couch and sat down.

"Yeah, I've been busy" she said crossing her legs with her feet under her butt. "I have to take the ACT and SAT this Saturday. One in the morning and the other's in the afternoon. Which did you take?" she asked.

"The ACT" she answered.

"Is it hard?"

"Not really" she said. She saw the prep books on the table. "Just do the practice tests in the back of the books and you'll be fine". AJ nodded and grabbed the ACT prep book from the table. "So you're really serious about this? Going to school for accounting?"

"Mm hmm" she mumbled in assent.

"And the cop is helping you?"

"Her name is Amanda and yes she is" AJ said still looking down at her book.

"Is that why you haven't talked to me in almost a week?" Lily asked. "I'm sorry but I did it for you. I just don't trust her and I don't think you're being cau…."

"Lily, what are you talking about?" AJ asked confused. "What did you do?"

"She didn't tell you?"

"Tell me what?"

"I went to her job to talk to her; to tell her to leave you alone".

"I didn't ask you to do that".

"I know you didn't but I was just trying to look out for you" she said defending her actions. "I just think you too careless with her. I thought if anyone would be able to tell her to stay away it'd be her boss".

"You talked to her boss?" Lily nodded.

"Amanda wasn't there and her boss asked me what I needed".

"Lily" AJ said with a sigh.

"I was trying to help you. What other reason could she have for tracking you down?"

"She just wants to be my friend" she answered. In the back of her mind she was thinking that Amanda wanted to be a lot more but she still wasn't considering that just yet.

"And wanting to know your address and recommending Haleel's school; what was that?"

"She just wanted to pick me up at my building that's all and I already told you Haleel's school has a really good accounting program" she explained. "She doesn't work for him. If she did he would've found me by now. She knows enough that she would just tell him but she hasn't because she doesn't know him" she said firmly. "I know you're trying to protect me, Lily, but you have to stop this. Please".

"Fine" she finally agreed. "But I don't have to like her". AJ laughed.

"You don't even know her" AJ pointed out. "Maybe you should meet her, really meet her. Talk to her. You'll see what I see. She's a good person".

"Yeah maybe" Lily said still skeptical. AJ chuckled.

"Just say you'll meet her. The three of us can go out somewhere" she suggested.

"Fine" she said again. AJ smiled happily at Lily agreeing to give Amanda a chance. She would love it if Amanda and Lily could get along. Now all she had to do was ask Amanda if she'd want to go out with Lily. AJ spent the next few days studying for the ACT and SAT. She went to Amanda's to take some practice tests. She timed her and then graded them after. If the actual tests went as well as her practice tests, she would be just fine. The day was finally here for AJ to take her tests and she was really nervous. She was sitting outside the testing room when Amanda walked up and sat down next to her. She felt herself relax almost immediately. She told her not to worry, that she was well prepared for this. She wished her luck and watched her walk in to take her test. She came out of the room almost four hours later.

"How'd it go?" Amanda asked.

"I think it well" AJ said unsure of herself. "The math was easy" she said not surprising Amanda since math was her thing. "The science was okay. I'm not sure that I did so well on the English part" she said with a small chuckle. "The writing portion was difficult too. It was optional. Maybe I shouldn't have taken it". Amanda shook her head.

"I'm sure you did great" she said encouragingly. "You did great on the practice tests".

"Yeah, but I wasn't so nervous for the practice tests".

"When's your next one?"

"I have an hour" she said after looking at her watch.

"You hungry?"

"Not really" she said honestly. "But I'll go with you if you want to get something".

"Ok". They walked to a pizza parlor down the street. Amanda bought two slices, one for herself and one for AJ just in case she got hungry.

"So, Lily told me that she went to your job and talked to your boss" AJ said looking across the table at her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was going to" she said, "but you were in such a good mood and it was nice to hear you so excited about work and school. I didn't want to ruin that. Then a couple days went by and it just seemed pointless to tell you".

"Well, I'm sorry she did that. I hope she didn't get you into any trouble". Amanda shook her head.

"She didn't" she said simply.

"I didn't tell her to do that; to talk to you or your boss" she assured her.

"I know".

"I would really like it if you and Lily could get along, maybe even be friends" she said softly. She was afraid that after what Lily had done, Amanda wouldn't be interested. "She said she's willing to try to get to know you better" she paused for a moment to see if she'd have a reaction. She didn't. "Would you please try?" she asked. Amanda could tell that it was important to AJ so she nodded.

"Yeah. I'll try" she agreed. AJ smiled and thanked her. She reached over and took the other slice of pizza and they talked until it was time for her to go back to take her exam. It was another near four hours for the SAT. By five thirty, Amanda and AJ were sitting down to dinner at an Indian restaurant. AJ had finally let go of the nerves she'd had all day. Now that the tests were over, there was nothing for her to do but wait for the results and hope they were good. They stayed at the restaurant for a couple of hours before asking for the check. AJ grabbed the check before Amanda had a chance to reach for it. She couldn't let her pay again. They left the restaurant and Amanda drove AJ home, or at least close to home, then headed home herself. She took Frannie out for a walk and got a call from AJ while she was out. She'd gotten a call from her mother that she'd be able to come to the city the next day and she wanted to make sure it was still okay to bring her to her apartment. Amanda said it was fine. She'd be at work but she could leave a key for her. AJ thanked her again for allowing her to use her place. They talked for a while longer then said good night.

The next morning, AJ woke up early. She was so excited for her mother to come visit. She went to Amanda's and found the key she'd left for her then went to the store. She bought a bunch of stuff and took it back to her apartment to waste time until her mother arrived. She figured they could cook together like they used to. In the kitchen was where they always had the most fun. Part of the deal in Amanda letting her use her apartment was that she look after Frannie. It wasn't a hard sell. Frannie Mae is a great dog and AJ takes care of pets all of the time. When it was time to go get her mother, she found Frannie's leash and hooked it to her collar, grabbed her phone and the key to Amanda's apartment then headed out. She was waiting restlessly with Frannie for the ferry to dock, checking her phone to make sure her mother hadn't called her. Finally, the ferry approached and she looked around for her mother. She wasn't hard to spot being the only woman in the crowd wearing a chador. Damia saw her daughter and approached her with a bright smile. They embraced one another then AJ led the way to Amanda's apartment. When they got inside, she let Frannie off her leash and invited her mother to make herself comfortable.

"ini adalah pangsapuri anda?" she asked looking around.

"No" she said shaking her head. "ini adalah pangsapuri kawan saya. Amanda, namanya adalah Amanda. This is Frannie Mae" she said leaning down to pet Frannie. "I'm watching her today while Amanda is at work" she said not wanting to explain the real reason she brought her there instead of her own apartment.

"Oh" Damia says in understanding. "ia adalah bagus". AJ smiled at her mother as she looked around the apartment. She was so happy to have her here.

"How long can you stay?" AJ asked bringing her mother's attention back to herself.

"ayah anda akan menjadi dalam mesyuarat sepanjang hari" she said happily. "I thought I'd take an evening ferry back". AJ's smile grew bigger at the thought of getting to spend the entire day with her mother.

"Great" she said excited. "I went to the store" she said walking over to the kitchen. "I thought we could cook together again". Damia's face lit up and she walked over to join her daughter without a word. They washed their hands and got to cooking many of the things Damia had taught her to cook when she was growing up. Damia went on and on about what was going on close to their home. She talked about how she'd made new friends at the mosque and had joined a sewing club. She told AJ about how her father had been and what her brothers were doing; that even though they didn't show it, they all missed her very much. AJ had less to tell. She told her mother about her job at the coffee shop, her friends, and how she'd just finished her college applications. They cooked and talked and ate some of what they cooked. They took a break after lunch to take Frannie for a walk in the park.

"adakah anda masih mengatakan solat anda?" Damia asked as they walked through the park.

"Everyday" AJ said with a nod.

"dan Ramadan?"

"I did that too" she said. "I haven't abandoned my faith mother" she assured her. She didn't say anything. She just smiled and took her daughter's hand and they continued their walk. AJ called Lily and she came to the park to meet Damia. They found a nice place to sit and talk. Lily asked all kinds of questions about what AJ was like growing up and even asked the question AJ avoided, what would happen if her husband found out she was visiting her. Both AJ and Damia were uncomfortable with the question and unsure of the answer. They brushed it off and continued the conversation as if that question hadn't been asked. They finally left the park and headed back to Amanda's apartment. AJ and her mother went about cooking AJ's favorite meal for dinner: vegetable curry, roti jala, nasi lemak, and popiah. She hoped Amanda would be home before her mother had to leave so they could meet.

It was five o'clock and they were just finishing up with dinner when Amanda walked in. She smiled when she saw AJ in the kitchen with her mother. She was smiling and laughing and looked completely relaxed. Frannie brought it to their attention that Amanda was home. AJ seemed more excited to see her than any other time since they'd met. She went over to Amanda and took her by the hand and pulled her into the kitchen.

"ibu" she said getting her mother's attention. "ini adalah Amanda" she said with a bright smile. "Amanda this is my mother, Damia Rasyid".

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Rasyid" Amanda said extending her hand. Damia hesitantly took her hand and gave a light shake.

"And you" Damia replied. "Dollah says you've been a great friend to her".

"She makes it easy" Amanda said glancing over at AJ. She was still holding on to her hand and Amanda was savoring the moment. Damia's eye glanced several times at their still connected hands. AJ quickly pulled her hand away and started to tell Amanda about what they'd made for dinner. They had dinner together and talked until it was time for Damia to leave. Amanda drove them to the ferry and AJ got of the car to say goodbye to her mom.

"Will you call me when you get home?" AJ asked. "Just to let me know that you made it safely".

"I will" Damia said softly. She was sad to leave her daughter again. "Menjaga diri anda".

"I will" she said with a soft smile. "Salam ditujukan kepada anda".

"Kedamaian, rahmat dan berkat Tuhan kepada kamu" she said back. They hugged each other one more time, then Damia hurried to board the ferry. AJ gave one last wave goodbye then turned and got back in the car with Amanda and started the drive home. Amanda got to the corner where she'd dropped AJ off many times before when AJ told her to make a right, then a left and pull over.

"This is it" AJ said pointing to the building across the street. "This is where I live". Amanda smiled and nodded her head. She'd finally gained enough of AJ's trust to know her apartment building. She wondered how much more trust she'd need to gain to know which apartment she lived in. "Thank you" AJ said pulling Amanda from her thoughts, "for letting my mother come to your apartment. It really means a lot to me that you allowed that".

"Of course" Amanda said softly. "It was nice meeting her".

"I think she liked you" AJ said with a smile.

"I liked her too".

"Will you come over tomorrow?" AJ asked abruptly.

"Here?" Amanda asked confused. AJ laughed.

"Yes, here; to my apartment" she clarified. "We can have dinner". Amanda nodded her head.

"I would love to" she said without hesitation.

"Great". AJ opened the door and hopped out of the truck and shut the door. She crossed the street and, for the first time, Amanda watched her enter her building. Amanda felt like she was on cloud nine. AJ was really letting her guard down and opening up. Amanda didn't think it'd be long before she knew more of AJ's story and could share more of her own.

**Malay-English Translation**

**Salam ditujukan kepada anda**- Peace be upon you

**Kedamaian, rahmat dan berkat Tuhan kepada kamu**- Peace, mercy, and blessing of god be upon you

**Datang**- come

**Adakah** **anda** **baik**- Are you well?

**Aku mempunyai kerja yang saya nikmati. Saya telah membuat kawan**- I have a job that I enjoy. I have made friends

**Baik**- well

**I tahu bahawa ayah masih marah dengan saya tetapi saya memerlukan bantuan anda**- I know that father is still angry with me but I need your help

**Aku menyimpan semua surat-surat penting di sini**- I keep all my important papers here

**Terima kasih**- Thank you

**Di mana I tinggal. Anda tidak perlu beritahu ayah**- Where I live. You don't have to tell dad

**Memanggil saya apabila ayah tidak adalah rumah. kita akan bercakap lebih lanjut mengenai ia**- Call me when daddy isn't home. We'll talk more about it

**I mencintai kamu**- I love you

**I mencintai kamu terlalu**- I love you too

**ini adalah pangsapuri anda**- this is your apartment?

**ini adalah pangsapuri kawan saya. Amanda, namanya adalah Amanda**- this is my friend's apartment. Amanda, her name is, Amanda.

**ia adalah bagus**- it is nice

**ayah anda akan menjadi dalam mesyuarat sepanjang hari**- your father will be in meetings all day

**adakah anda masih mengatakan solat anda**- do you still say your prayers?

**ibu, ini adalah Amanda**- Mother, this is Amanda

**Menjaga diri anda**- take care of yourself


End file.
